Chapter Ten
Tessa
Refusing to get up, I pulle
d the covers up around me and turned over. Yes, there were only thirty minutes before I was due in Ian’s class, but I didn’t want to go. I felt physically unable to get up and go about my daily life. There was a huge weight holding me down, and I didn’t know how to move it. I wasn’t even sure I wanted to. Why couldn’t I stay right where I was?
“Tessa, come on, hon, you have to get up,” Maria called through the closed door. The words were said in a gentle tone, but I knew my roommate would not hesitate to drag my ass out of bed if she had to.
I didn’t answer, hoping Maria would go away.
As expected, Maria pushed the door open. “You should have taken the day off. You still can, but you have to call and let your sexy professor know you’re not coming in. Don’t pull the no-call, no-show crap.”
Maria threw open the light-blocking curtains and opened the blinds. “Damn, girl. I’m going to have to worry about you sucking on my neck when I’m sleeping. You keep it way too dark in here,” she complained. “No wonder you can’t wake up.”
I pouted. I liked the dark. After Talia died, I had shut out the world for weeks. The heavy curtains had turned my room into a cave, but I liked the feeling of isolation and security. No one could see me grieve.
I moaned, “I have to.”
“You have to what?” Maria asked.
“Go. I have to go to class. I need that credit. Skipping isn’t an option.”
Maria sighed. “Then you need to get up. If you don’t get moving, you’re going to be late. You’ve already done that, and it didn’t go over so well, remember?”
“I know. I have to go,” I repeated, but still didn’t get out of bed. My mind and body were not on the same page.
“How about you make yourself a deal?” Maria started. “Do his two classes and then take the rest of the day off. Don’t push yourself so hard. This first birthday without her is going to be a rough one.”
Tears welled in my eyes. The lump in my throat grew to epic proportions, making it impossible for me to speak. Why I thought I could get through this day was anyone’s guess. Talia would have been twenty-two today. One month of every year, we were the same age. When we were little, we pretended to be twins the entire month. We looked so much alike, everyone believed us. Now my twin was gone, and I had to face the birthday alone.
“I’ll go,” I breathed, once the lump diminished and allowed me to speak again. “I’m not showering though,” I said, defiantly.
Maria chuckled. “Maybe a little deodorant, a quick toothbrush in the mouth, and a spritz of that fruity body spray you wear would be a good idea.”
I looked at her, wanting to laugh, but not finding the energy. “Fine.”
Throwing off the covers, I went about making myself somewhat presentable. I pulled my hair into a messy bun that most girls could pull off and look sexy, but I managed to look like I’d been caught in a hurricane. My leggings and long button-down plaid shirt were good enough. Today, I didn’t care what I looked like or what others thought of my disheveled state. They could all kiss my ass.
I glanced in the rearview mirror of my car, checking to see how bad the situation was. It was as bad as I expected. My eyes were puffy and my face splotchy from crying most of the night and morning. Despite my earlier conviction that I didn’t care what I looked like, I did. I reached into my purse and dotted on some concealer before smoothing over a powder finish. It was a slight improvement.
The class was full when I shuffled in the door. I glanced at Ian, expecting a smile, but got nothing. He barely even looked at me. Taking my seat in the corner, I leaned back in the chair, arms crossed over my chest. I was in a shit mood, and his attitude wasn’t helping.
“Good morning,” he started the class in his typical fashion.
Again, I waited for him to look at me and at least acknowledge my appearance. He didn’t. The second class started without him so much as saying a single word to me. It was as if I wasn’t even there. Class stretched on and he never once looked my way. I didn’t care. Fuck him. Today was not a day I was going to worry about him being a surly asshole.
I knew my resting bitch face was in place when students who would normally greet me took one look at me and ran the opposite direction. When Ian finally made eye contact with me, I glared back.
I stood and began packing the few papers I’d pulled out. I could feel him behind me and was going to ignore him. I figured I’d give him the same cold shoulder he’d been throwing at me all morning, but as it turned out, I couldn’t. I apparently needed someone to be a bitch at. Lucky him.
“What?” I said, spinning around and raising my chin in the air.
He took a step back. “Are you okay?” he asked, holding up a hand to protect himself as if I had just shot fire out of my nose.
I rolled my eyes, completely prepared to tell him to jump off a bridge, but something clicked when I looked into his eyes and saw the real concern. It was too much, and before I knew it, I broke down. Not a silent tear or two, full on bawling, and I couldn’t stop.
“I’m sorry.” I waved a hand in front of my face, trying to wave away the tears. I knew I was a mess but was helpless to do anything about it. Instead of running away, he stayed put.