The things they worried about were very different than the things an old guy like myself stressed out about. They were worried about passing their tests. I was worried about paying the mortgage. It’s all relative, I reminded myself, and tried not to minimize what they were going through. But honestly, sometimes, I had to keep myself from screaming at them. Life can be so much worse! You could lose it all in the blink of an eye.
I took a deep breath and pulled my shit together, again. I can’t afford to freak out on some of the sniveling brats I am paid to educate. As if my subconscious conjured her up, Tessa walked in. She was truly a light in a dark world.
“Hi,” she said, breezing in. I was a little bummed she was covered up today with jeans and a jersey-style shirt. I loved her collection of gauzy dresses that made her appear to be carefree. Unlike some of the other girls that walked these halls, she had a certain elegance and class. She didn’t have to show a lot of skin or wear clothes so tight every roll and crevice was visible. She was incredibly sexy. Wrong perv. She’s barely legal.
“Hey,” I said, greeting her like a good teacher instead of the guy who was just fantasizing about her. “Are you excited for your trip tomorrow?” I asked. I had been working on my small talk skills, and it was an appropriate question that didn’t cross any lines. I was the only one who knew why I was asking.
She shrugged. “I don’t know if I would say excited, but I am looking forward to seeing my mom.”
I nodded. “Good. Enjoy yourself. Sleep in and relax.” I hoped I sounded properly excited for her.
She laughed. “As if. I don’t have time for that. I have a lot of work to do over the weekend. I figure I’ll sleep in when I’m old and retired.”
I chuckled before I realized I could be the reason she was working so hard. I suddenly felt guilty. “Are you taking stuff home to work on for me?”
At first, I thought she would deny it, but then she looked at me. “Yeah. Not a lot, but I do have a few things to catch up on.”
Ugh, it was a punch to the gut. I had been taking advantage of her kindness and willingness to please. I hated myself for it.
“Don’t,” I said, with all seriousness. She looked at me with surprise. “Really. I don’t want you to take any work home from my class, please,” I said, truly wanting her to get a break. I don’t want to burn her out. She is far too valuable to me, which I hate to admit, but it’s true. I knew some people dealt with grief by throwing themselves into something. It was their way of blocking everything out, but it was rarely effective. It would catch up with her eventually. I knew from experience she needed to deal with the shit now because it would only get worse if she put it off.
“Are you sure?” she asked.
I nodded. “I am. I want you to be able to enjoy your visit. Spend time with your mom. Enjoy your family,” I said in a softer tone.
“Thanks, I really appreciate it. I promise I’ll work twice as hard next week if I get behind,” she said, brightening up a little.
“Good, I’ll certainly miss you while you’re away,” I said, before realizing I actually said the words out loud.
She was staring at me, a strange look on her face. I felt my face turning red.
“I mean, I’ll miss the extra work you always put in, but its fine. Please, take the weekend off,” I said, almost kissing a student who came through the door, saving me from humiliating myself further.
After class, Tessa hung back. I knew she was waiting to talk to me. I hoped she wasn’t going to ask me about the ‘missing her’ comment. That had been weird; even I recognized that. I didn’t want her to think I was a complete whack job.
I don’t want to be alone with her. She’ll want me to clarify what I meant. I didn’t even know what I meant. How could I miss her when I had only known her for a few weeks? It isn’t like we had hung out a lot or even really talked. The
fact that I was dreading her absence—and said so—had me just as confused as she was.
Checking out my new office would be a legitimate excuse to leave. I had apparently impressed the dean enough to be given my own office space. It made me feel a little more secure about my job.
I didn’t bother telling Tessa goodbye; I simply picked up my briefcase and headed out the door. I knew she was behind me. I could sense her, and smell that sweet perfume she always wore.
“Did you need something?” I asked, turning to look at her.
“You got an office?” she replied, with excitement in her voice.
I nodded. “Yes, I haven’t set anything up. It isn’t exactly a corner office with a view, but it’s better than nothing I suppose.”
She was beaming, “I want to see!”
She may be more excited than I am. I reluctantly unlocked the door, flipped on the horrible fluorescent light and gestured for her to enter my tiny domain.
“This is so great,” she said, spinning around.
I knew she was trying to sound upbeat since the room is only slightly bigger than a closet. There was a single bookshelf, a desk with an office chair that had tears in the fake leather, and another small chair on the opposite side of the desk.
“Thanks,” I muttered, putting my briefcase on the empty desk. I had yet to personalize it or add anything at all to the space. Honestly, it made me a little claustrophobic. Maybe a couple of plants and pictures on the wall would make it feel brighter and airier.