Fake Marriage Box Set

I can’t do it. I know better. But the pull is incredible. I have been wrestling with my attraction to her and every time I tell myself it’s never going to happen; I crave her all the more. Unfortunately, this forbidden love seems to be a disease for which there is no cure.

I managed to get through the rest of my classes without doing anything that would land me in the dean’s office. Small miracle. Once I got home, I plopped down on the couch and looked around. It is the same stuff in the same place it has been for nearly seven years. I knew people usually rearrange the furniture, update their décor and so on, but that had never been something I wanted to do. I preferred to keep it all as it was when Ally and Miriam lived here.

Now I had come to believe it was an unhealthy shrine. I had lived in my self-made hell long enough. I jumped off the couch, nearly throwing Dexter across the room, and dug my phone out of my briefcase.

“Jake, it’s time. I need to clean this place out,” I said, in an urgent voice.

To his credit, Jake didn’t ask questions, saying, “I’ll be there in an hour. With beer. And pizza.”

I walked to my room, stopping to look in Ally’s room and take in the sight before quickly changing into jeans and a t-shirt. I steeled myself for what was coming. It had been years in the making, but I only now managed to gather the strength to move Miriam out of my home. Ally’s room had been in the exact same condition since that horrible day. I had dusted but left her toys exactly as they were. Jake had told me repeatedly it wasn’t healthy, but I couldn’t imagine living in the house alone. Instead, I lived with ghosts. Ghosts that were keeping me mired in guilt, and preventing me from enjoying the life I did have.

I’d been telling myself it was out of respect for them, but now I knew it was my own cowardice.

“Hey, you here somewhere?” Jake called.

I took a deep breath and prepared for a long night.

“Yep, I was just looking around. You ready?”

Jake nodded. “Are you?”

Shrugging, I said, “I don’t know, but if we stand here talking about it, I may lose my nerve.”

“Here,” he said, handing me a cold beer. “Let’s get started.”

“I’ve got boxes in the garage,” I said, heading that direction.

“You do?” my brother asked. “I brought some as well.”

I nodded. “I’ve been collecting boxes with the intention of one day packing the stuff up. It never seemed right before. It does now.”

Jake nodded. “I’m glad, brother. Really, I am. I think this is a big step and am happy to share it with you. Let’s start in your room first,” he said, carrying a couple of boxes down the hall.

Nodding, it occurred to me how sharp my brother was. It would be far easier to remove Miriam’s things than Ally’s, which he apparently had thought of.

“I’ll start in the closet,” he said. “I think I can handle figuring out which clothes are yours.”

I nodded and began collecting various knick-knacks, old bottles of perfume, and so on. It felt strange—touching her things. When she was alive, they were kind of off-limits, and since her death, I had left them as they were. I always felt like I was violating her privacy if I touched or moved anything that belonged to her.

“I should probably throw away all her makeup and stuff, right?” I asked, suddenly realizing that wasn’t something women would probably want.

Jake shrugged. “Yeah, may as well. I’m sure it’s no good anymore after all this time. I guess, dude, I don’t know. Why are you asking me?” he laughed. “You’re the one who was married.”

Shrugging, I shook my head. I didn’t know. I’d never paid much attention to a lot of the things Miriam did.

“I think that’s all in here,” I said, looking around the room and immediately feeling the absence. It wasn’t even the fact I could actually see the missing clothes in the closets or the empty dresser, but I knew it.

“You okay?” Jake asked.

I nodded. “Yeah. It feels weird, but, I don’t know, I kind of like I feel—lighter. Does that make sense?”

He smiled. “I think it makes a lot of sense. You’ve been carrying around a lot of baggage for a long time. Like actual baggage. This stuff is going to make some donation center very happy. Have you thought about where you want it to go?”

“Yeah, there’s a shelter for women and children who are domestic abuse victims. I want it all to go there. I don’t want anybody jacking up the prices to make someone else a profit. I want it to go to those who really need it,” I said, imagining little girls Ally’s age getting to wear her dresses and play with her dolls. It was the only way I could envision anything positive come out of the tragic accident.

“You ready to start in Ally’s room?” he asked, in a low voice.

I took a deep breath. “I’m going to need another beer for that.”