He nodded. “When they died, I was mired in guilt. I didn’t dislike Miriam and would never wish her dead, but I didn’t love her, and our marriage was awful. I grieved for Ally. Even though she wasn’t my biological daughter—she truly was mine.”
I took his hand and brought it to my cheek, before turning to kiss his palm. “I’m sorry.”
He smiled. “Thank you. I needed you to understand what drove me to give up on everything. I became a shut-in, quit my job and wallowed in self-pity and guilt. I loathed myself and who I was. I couldn’t face anyone. I have carried around this, this hate for what I allowed to happen. I never got a chance to make it right. I have always wondered if I loved Ally enough. Did she know I wasn’t her biological dad?” He groaned and shook his head. “I pray she didn’t. No one else knew. You’re the only person I’ve ever told. Jake doesn’t even know.”
I scooted off my stool and wrapped my arms around him. As I held him tight, I could feel his burden slipping away the longer I held on. His confession explained the self-loathing I had first noticed in him, and I wanted more than ever to make it all go away.
I couldn’t, so I just held him tighter. It was all I could do for him.
Chapter Thirty-Five
Ian
I was completely irritated.
Stupid! Ridiculous! Who thought it was a good idea to reopen the school?
I had really wanted to spend the day with Tessa. After my confession, she hugged me. She didn’t tell me what a piece of shit I was or run out the door. We’d spent two glorious days together, and she made sure I was smiling the entire time. Miriam was forgotten, and as for Ally, well, the pain was dulled.
When the alert came in last night that the school would open for regular classes on Friday, we were both bummed. The past forty-eight hours had been absolutely the best of my life. I wouldn’t trade it for anything in the world.
The rain wasn’t the kind that made me want to stand outside and spin around while trying to catch raindrops on my tongue. It pissed me off. It made me cranky. It was soggy, gray, and wet. Why bother having school on a Friday? It was dumb as far as I was concerned. I could have thought of a hundred other things to do, but here I was, headed towards class. The campus was fairly quiet, and I was guessing a lot of the students probably chose to enjoy their very long weekend and would skip regardless. That was fine with me.
I rounded the corner and froze. Everything suddenly went into slow motion. Dean Scribbs was sitting at my desk, and she didn’t look happy. She knew. I knew she knew and I didn’t know what to say. I stood in the doorway, coffee in one hand and briefcase in the other. She looked at me with a mixture of disgust and self-righteousness.
“Did you need something?” I asked, not even trying to be all that nice. She was about to fire me. No point in kissing her ass now.
“We need to talk. Now. In my office,” she said, standing and walking towards me. She narrowed her eyes and somehow managed to look down her pointed nose at me, even though I was much taller than she.
I nodded, turned, and followed her out the door. I wasn’t going to argue. This job had been great, but what I had with Tessa was far more important. As we made our way down the empty hall, outside, and across campus, she never spoke. I didn’t bother asking what was happening.
We entered her very large, though sparsely decorated office.
“Sit, please,” she said, gesturing to a chair.
She walked around the large cherry wood desk, sat and then scooted forward to rest her elbows on the surface, assuming a praying pose while looking at me.
“There are some serious charges being leveled against you, Professor Dunlap. We have a problem,” she started.
I nodded, pretending to care. “What kind of charges are we talking about?”
The word was purposeful. We both knew I had done nothing illegal. She was hoping to intimidate me by using such a loaded word. It wasn’t working.
“A student has brought it to my attention that you have been spending time outside of the classroom with another student, engaged in activities of a sexual nature.”
I nodded but said nothing.
She cleared her throat. My nonchalance was making her uneasy. Good.
“Tessa McShane is your assistant and a student here at the school. A romantic relationship with her is against school policy. She will be immediately expelled, and you, Mr. Dunlap, will likely be asked to leave after next semester.”
I grinned. It was a ‘fuck you’ grin, and she knew it. “Tessa will be expelled, and I keep my job. Double standard, isn’t it? Do you actually think that is an acceptable solution?”
Her response was nothing more than a blinking of her eyes.
“Where did you hear these accusations?” I asked, suddenly curious as to who could have possibly known.
The dean leaned back in her chair. I watched her debate whether she should tell me or not, “Another student. Jennie is her name. You needn’t know anything more than that.”