“It’s not your fault,” she mumbled, her face pressed against my chest.
I sighed; it kind of was.
“I have no idea what I’m going to tell my mom. She is going to be so disappointed. I’m pissed about being expelled, but it isn’t the end of the world. It’s telling my mom I failed that is tearing me up. How can I look at a woman who has fought so long and hard to get me here, only to have me drop out at the end?”
She hiccupped. I saw a box of tissue on a small side table and stretched my arm out to grab it. It was nearly empty, which made my guilt worsen.
“Here,” I said, gently pushing the box against her arm.
She reached out and took several tissues and wiped her face. “Sorry. This is so embarrassing,” she grumbled.
“Don’t be sorry and it isn’t embarrassing. I would probably do the same thing in your shoes.”
She laughed. “I seriously doubt you would cry while sitting on someone’s lap.”
I kissed the side of her head. “If someone offered to hold me I probably would.”
We sat in silence for several long minutes while she regained her composure. I could feel the physical change in her body as she gathered her strength. Her back was a little stiffer, her breathing had slowed down to a normal rate, and the jerking motions from her crying had ceased.
“Do you know what you want to do? I’m here, Tessa. I will support you in every way—if you want me to,” I told her, still afraid she was going to tell me to get the hell away and stay away.
She shrugged. “I don’t know. I mean, I want to scream and fight, but what’s the point?”
“Your future is the point. Do you want me to stick by you and fight this thing?”
She didn’t answer, which felt like a punch in the gut to me. My mind started to reel with the possibilities. Could I possibly go on without talking to her or seeing her? Teaching my class without her would be difficult, but I knew I could muddle through knowing I could see her at the end of the day. She may resent me and hold this against me. There was a chance she would move back to Georgia or move to another city to finish the classes she needed.
“Tessa, please, tell me what I can do to help,” I pleaded with her, fighting to keep my own panic out of my voice.
“There’s nothing you can do, Ian.”
“I’ll resign. Do you want me to quit? I will,” I blurted out, trying to think of anything that would make this better.
“No. That won’t solve anything. You have bills to pay.”
I sat there, feeling her warm body on my lap, her heart beating against my chest and it was then I realized I really was truly in love with her. The thought of never getting to make love to her, kiss her or see that beautiful smile directed at me was making me crazy with anxiousness.
“Tell me what you want, Tessa.” My voice was strained.
She took a deep breath. I could feel her steeling her resolve, and I braced myself for the blow that was coming. I could handle it. I didn’t really know her all that well, and when she kicked me out of her life, I wasn’t going to cry or put up a fuss. I would leave and never look back.
“I want you,” she said, turning to look at me.
I stared at her. My head swimming, trying to make sense of what she said versus what I was expecting her to say.
“What?”
She smiled before she gave me a soft kiss on the lips. “I want you. Don’t leave me or give up on what we just got started because of this mess.”
My arms went around her, squeezing her tight. I had to catch my own breath. Her words had left me stunned.
“Ian?” she said, in a voice that sounded a bit strangled.
“Hmm?”
“A little tight. I think you’re crushing my ribs.”
“Oh shit, sorry.”