“Do you miss her?” I asked and cursed myself out for being so thick. Of course, she did. I couldn’t have asked a dumber question. But her answer flat out surprised me.
Emma shrugged, her smile shrinking as her green eyes widened, the sadness making them much darker than usual. “I miss the idea of her. Does that make sense?” She paused, chewing her lip, but more to think, not for me to answer, so I just kept quiet and let her continue in her own time. “Growing up, I was jealous of other kids who had their mothers around. I wanted that so bad, but that’s not really the same thing as missing a person. And, my daddy was there. He made things okay for us.”
I took a bite of her macaroni salad. It was really good. I lifted an eyebrow. A girl who knew her way around a ranch — maybe even better than I did — was pretty as a picture, and could cook? I couldn’t believe how lucky I was all of a sudden.
And, more importantly, she was letting the door to that safe creep open again, a little at a time. I didn’t want to do anything to make it slam shut on me again. That had been terrible. I wanted to know everything about her. And, I wanted to tell her whatever I could about myself before she begged me to shut my mouth already and give her poor ears some rest.
“I miss my daddy every day,” I said. We had a nice rhythm going that I didn’t want to lose. She shared something, then I did. “We did so much together on this farm. I see him every place I look.” I glanced at the barn, expecting, as always, to see Daddy out there, still working in the hazy dark.
“Growing up, all my teachers and adults in town told me I wasn’t living up to how smart I was. I goofed around too much. I wasn’t even using half of the potential I had. But this farm is what my daddy cared about most. It’s where he lived with my mama, where they came home to after my mama had me at the hospital in town, where I learned just about everything I know today. I can’t imagine being anywhere else. This land is all that’s left of my family.”
Emma wasn’t smiling, but she was looking at me with such warmth in her lovely eyes, elbows on the table, her curled hands resting against the side of her head. “I want just what you have,” she whispered, and I leaned closer, putting my own elbows on the table, to keep hearing whatever it was she wanted to tell me. I couldn’t look away from her if I tried. “My own self-sustaining farm. I want to grow things and take care of horses, cows, and chickens. I just need to save the money to buy the land.”
“Can’t you work on your daddy’s farm?”
She’d taken the last bite of her burger. Smiling, she covered her mouth and finished chewing before she answered. “He sold off a bunch of land after my mama passed, to put me and Kasey through college and give us some seed money after. He still grows his own vegetables and stables our horses on the property, but I want more animals and land than that. I want to sell what I grow and stable other people’s horses, too. I want a full-service ranch.”
“Well, you’re welcome to stay here as long as you like,” I said, stopping well short of blurting out that I was willing to share whatever I had with her. But it was the truth. My heart was wide open for her to take or le
ave. “You fit in just fine. Lacey and I were worried about hiring someone new. We had our own rhythm going that took us years to settle into. But you picked it up without even trying. I can’t imagine the ranch without you on it.”
A pretty blush colored her cheeks, and she put her eyes on her empty plate, but she was grinning. “I really like it here. I was worried about finding a place back in Round Rock after being in Austin for so long. Most farms don’t need the kind of help I wanted to give.”
I took the last few bites of beans and macaroni salad, not wanting to waste a bite. The sun had set over our heads as we were talking and eating. Most of the light had just about drained out of the sky. Once my plate was almost licked clean, I looked up at her, my own cheeks turning red at finding her staring at me.
“I have something to show you,” I said. “It’s not part of the official tour.” I rose from the picnic table and managed to pull my long legs free of the bench without ending up on my ass.
“What is it?” she asked. She stood up and got free of the picnic table much more gracefully than I had. Riley was still asleep next to the house. No amount of movement would wake him. He’d follow me into the house later, but only after I called him four or five times. I’d swear he was going deaf, except he’d never listened to a damned thing I had to say when he was a puppy, either.
“It’s a surprise.” We walked past the stables, the horses silent inside — I saw Emma cock her head to listen to what was going on in there — and to the large equipment barn where I kept my tractor and stored the hay I baled for my horses.
I opened the doors and led her inside. It was dark in here, but I knew the place back to front and could find my way around with my eyes closed. I reached back for her hand. She curled her fingers around my own, and a thrill moved through me.
“This way,” I said and plunged into the dark, going straight to the back of the barn, moving in between the tractor and the baler. It smelled like oil and sweet fresh hay in here. I’d left the hatch open, so some of the light was drifting down onto our upturned faces once we reached the ladder. “Can you climb in those shoes?”
She giggled a little, and that warmth spread from our joined hands to the rest of my body. I didn’t think I could ever get tired of the sound of her laughing.
“I could do just about anything in these sandals,” she replied.
“I’d say ladies first, but seeing how you’re in a dress, I’ll go up and you can follow me.” I let go of her hand and started up the ladder, moving slowly but steadily. The ladder shook some when she started up after me. I got to the top and climbed out onto the slightly angled roof of the barn. I’d spent many a night up here, watching the stars, planning my best schemes, or licking my wounds.
It was my secret place. Always had been. I’d never even invited Lacey up here. It was where I’d come to cry in private after Mama died and where I came to get so drunk I passed out after I lost Daddy. I was lucky I hadn’t fallen right off the roof that night and broken my damned neck.
When Emma reached the top, I helped her climb out onto the roof. She looked around, her lips parted, to take in the view. I couldn’t help myself, not after holding back all week. I leaned in and pressed my lips to hers. I hadn’t been able to get the taste of her out of my mouth since last Friday night and had spent the entire week suffering at the loss of that soft sweetness.
I brought her closer, not kissing hard, just enough to taste how sweet she was as that heat built in my body, that burning need for her. She responded by tilting her head back and parting her lips even more, her tongue venturing into my mouth as mine ventured into hers.
I pulled away, nearly breathless already and grinning. “Surprise,” I whispered.
I’d come up here earlier and set out a few blankets and a small cooler with a few beers in it. I sat down on the blanket, and she joined me, so close I could feel the heat rising off her skin.
“I used to come up here as a kid. On a good night, you can see all the stars in the sky from this barn. I’ve never brought anyone else up here. It was my secret place.”
Emma leaned back on her hands and gazed up at the sky. There was still some light at the edges of the clouds close to the horizon, but, over our heads, the clouds were scarce, leaving the stars to twinkle and shine, giving us the best private show nature had to offer. Between the soft breeze and the clear, deep blue sky, I couldn’t have planned it better if I’d had the power to try.
“It’s gorgeous,” she said.
I agreed. But I wasn’t looking at the stars. I was looking at her, that need expanding at my core, my insides dropping into a bottomless well of yearning that was driving me steadily insane the longer I went without the feeling of my hands on her. Without the feeling of her lips on mine. Without the feeling of my fingers sliding over the warm wetness between her legs as I watched her eyes widen with how much she wanted me.