“We have powdered sugar,” Gina said, pointing at the corner cabinet.
I opened it and retrieved the can of sugar.
“Jess always sprinkles my French toast with sugar. It’s mmm-mmm-mmm!” Gina rubbed her belly for emphasis.
I flipped the toast, and the cooked side was a delicious shade of dark brown. Though, my stomach was still tied in knots. Gina and I hadn’t thoroughly discussed the issue of Jess as of yet. And I knew it was a matter of time before she asked. Especially since I was hunting for a new nanny for her.
There was no better time than the present. “I want to talk to you about Jess,” I said.
Gina sighed. “When is she coming back?”
“She’s not,” I said, ripping the band-aid off. There was no other way to sugar coat it for her. And I wasn’t going to hire Jess back. I couldn’t. And I doubted Jess would accept the offer if I did.
“She doesn’t love us anymore?”
“No, honey, Jess does love us. It wasn’t working out, though.”
“Why?”
That was the question, wasn’t it? Days after firing her, my motivation for the termination of her employment eluded me. I had been in a fog between work and not sleeping well.
“It wasn’t working out with her,” I said weakly.
Gina wrinkled her nose. “Am I ever going to see her again?”
I wanted to say no, but I also didn’t want to ruin the weekend for her. “Maybe.”
“That’s good,” she said. “I miss her a lot.”
And I had to admit to myself that I missed Jess a lot as well. More than as someone to watch Gina. Jess had burrowed her way into our lives and hearts, and there was no way I could ever forget her. But Gina was my priority. I had to get her nanny situation figured out before too long. Maybe at that point, I could work on healing my heart.
Later that afternoon, I decided to work from home for a little while. I’d set a timer for myself for one hour to get some emails answered. Allison already booked several interviews for Monday, and that simultaneously relieved and frightened me. Moving on so quickly from Jess didn’t seem right, but it was necessary.
I sat in the family room on my laptop while Gina worked on the quilt on the floor. Every now and then I glanced over to make sure she didn’t poke herself with the needle. But Jess had been a good teacher.
I shoved Jess out of my mind and got back to work.
When my hour was almost up, Gina jumped up from the floor and opened up the quilt. “It’s finished, Daddy!”
I glanced up and saw she was struggling to hold it up in front of her. I moved my laptop aside and leaned over, grabbing the top of the quilt. I held it up to almost my height.
“Wow, honey, this is gorgeous,” I said.
Gina beamed at me and then her face fell.
“What’s wrong, honey?” I asked, checking the stitching on the last square. It was the one she invited me to choose the fabric for.
“This was Jess’s idea. And now she can’t see I finished it.” Her lower lip trembled.
“Gina,” I said. “It’s okay.”
Tears filled her brown eyes. “I miss her a lot, Daddy. I wish she didn’t have to leave.”
Little did Gina know was that I was th
e one to force Jess to leave. I couldn’t tell Gina that; it would break her heart. There was only one thing to do.
“Let’s get ready,” I said to Gina.