“Pink.” He nods once with his eyes closed before opening them, his dark gaze still fixed on me. “Understood.”
“You will use this word often because I will be pushing to find your boundaries. I am not a soft Dom. Know that I don’t have any indication whatsoever of your limits. Using your safe word is the only way I will discover them. And it will please me when you use it.”
That’s so different from before. The way we used it … it was a bad thing to use a safe word. James didn’t like it at all, although it only happened a handful of times. I’ve always thought our relationship was kinky. But now I’m questioning many things I thought I knew well, and we haven’t even begun.
“Again, answer me with only a single word. Understood?” The seriousness of his tone is unexpected. For a moment I wonder if this will be too much. If I can handle this, and if this is really what I want.
“Yes.”
“For your punishment … spanking, without a doubt, yes?”
“Yes.”
“Orgasm denial?”
I hesitate to answer. With my pause, Zander asks, “You prefer it to be saved for greater offenses?”
“Yes.”
“Hmm.” The deep hum feels like a threat, like he knows how to mold me, how to make me behave.
“Tell me what your limits are. You can speak freely.”
“My previous …” I trail off and a tickle runs down my neck as I realize I’m going to speak of James as my Dominant for the first time in my life.
“Your Dom,” Zander says, then nods in understanding and there’s a note of comfort to his tone I don’t expect. There’s no jealousy. No judgment. It’s freeing, although the sadness lingers.
I can only nod and then swallow harshly. “He used forced silence first. Making me request permission before speaking by resting my hand on his thigh.”
With a narrowed gaze paired with his thumb dragging across the pads of his fingertips he questions, “For any offense?”
“My typical offense was back talk.”
“How is that not surprising?” Zander offers me a wicked grin that teases the sensitive bundle of nerves desperate for his lips and his touch.
“It is important to me that we speak freely and with respect. I love your mouth and there are a number of things I imagine doing to it. But it would hurt me greatly to silence you.”
The seriousness of his admission warrants an “understood” from me.
“If it occurs, there will be physical punishment before forced silence. Is that understood?”
“Yes.”
“I imagine your behavior was different when you last enjoyed that relationship.”
“Very,” I admit and the flashes of a woman I used to be threaten to break me. Before the memories can linger, Zander continues.
“There was more than spanking and forced silence. What else?”
My body hums with exhilaration, and I’m grateful for the distraction. “We played with paddles and whips. I loved the paddles. I didn’t like the whips at all. I don’t want to bleed.”
“He broke skin each time with the whips?” Although his tone is calm, his question is spoken quickly, with an urgency that puts me on edge.
“Yes. We only did it the once and I couldn’t handle it.”
“Not all whippings break skin.”
“I don’t want to bleed. That’s the reason I don’t like whips.”
The tips of Zander’s fingers tap one after the other in rhythm against his jeans as he considers what I’ve said. “I think we should eliminate all whips for now, but know they don’t all result in what you experienced. He practiced and learned with you; is that right?”
I can only nod, emotions getting the better of me. I don’t like thinking of James as lesser. There’s not an ounce of me that wants that.
“He didn’t want to hurt me. He stopped. The moment I used the safe word, he stopped.” The words rush out of me, each one of them trembling.
I’m met with silence and the only sound I hear is the blood rushing in my ears.
“I made you feel you had to defend your former Dom. It’s not my intention. For that, I apologize.”
The unexpected response only brings about emotions I don’t expect. A true sadness and I don’t want it.
“Tell me what you loved about it with him. Your scenes, the rewards and punishments. I respect and honor what you had with him. What we have will be different. I will be careful in ways I believe he may not have known how to be. Know that I do not think less of him or of what you had because of it.
“I will find your limits. Tell me now if there are any hard limits. Choking, degradation, fisting, bondage, caning, restrictive discipline, cuckolding, anything at all.” My jaw drops slightly from how easily he rattles off the terms.
“Cuckolding is me watching while you’re with someone else but not being … tended to myself, correct?”