“My whole life is here,” I say meekly. It’s really the only thing I have left to hold onto. And she’s right. Jake will one hundred percent step back, even if he doesn’t want to. For me. And doesn’t that tell me everything I need to know?
“None of us are going anywhere. And your past might be here, but I think you and I both know your future is waiting for you in Seattle. You’ll never know if it’s supposed to work out by staying here.”
CHAPTER TWENTY
Big Steps
Hanna
THE NEXT DAY I call Jake—on video chat—and tell him what happened, including the trip to urgent care and how things went with my parents. Before I can tell him that I’m considering making the move to Seattle, he gently suggests that we need to talk about our future living situation.
His concern is clear on his face and in his voice. “Can I fly out so we can talk about this in person?”
“If you think you need to, but I agree that it’s something we need to discuss.”
“I’ve been looking into options close to Tennessee, but there aren’t any GM positions that aren’t still a flight away, which defeats the purpose. I’m willing to take a lower-level position if I have to, though,” he says.
“Oh, wow.” I’m not sure why I’m surprised to hear this. “I figured I’d move to Seattle.”
“I don’t want you to be the one giving up everything. It was selfish to assume you’d want to move here.”
“It doesn’t make a lot of sense for you to take a lower-level position, though. And you’ve already given up one career, I don’t think it’s fair that you’d have to give up another one.”
He’s quiet for a few seconds before he says, “Let me book a flight. I can take a couple of days off and we can figure it out together. This is a big decision, and I don’t want it all to fall on you. And honestly, I need to see you. In three dimensions. So I know you’re okay. I don’t love that you’re this far away and I can’t be there when you need me.”
_______________
HE ARRIVES THAT evening, and the second he’s in the door I find myself wrapped up in his arms. I don’t expect him to be as emotional as he is. Or the searing kiss he lays on me that makes my knees weak.
“That felt like the longest flight I’ve ever been on.” He cups my face in his hands. “If I need to, I’ll take a leave of absence from the league.”
“Can you do that? Is that best for the team?” I can’t see an abrupt change in upper management being easy.
“It’s not about what’s best for the team, Hanna. It’s about what’s best for us. I don’t think I can live in a state of anxiety like this for the foreseeable future.” His honesty is shocking, and frankly sobering.
So we sit down and talk it out. What the pros and cons are if he takes a leave of absence, or moves to another team, versus me moving to Seattle.
“My firm has a branch in Seattle, and I could apply for a transfer?”
“What about your promotion? Would that carry over?” Jake is sitting on the other end of the couch, my feet in his lap.
“It really depends on if they’re looking for a branch manager or not.” I trace the heart at my throat. “I looked into it when Ryan first found out he was my son, thinking it might be a good move for our relationship.”
“I didn’t realize that.”
“I didn’t tell him. And then he started dating Queenie. I didn’t think it made sense for me to move there when his career can be so fluid and he was starting a new relationship.” I hadn’t wanted to interfere, and we’d seemed to have found a new balance.
“Do you want to talk to your boss, see what’s possible?” Jake asks.
“I think it’s a good idea. Maybe we can start setting things up? Regardless, me moving to Seattle makes the most sense.” After my discussion with Paxton, I realized I was holding onto staying here and the idea of the promotion as a layer of protection. A just in case something bad happens at least I’ll have this. But I don’t want to live my life and make decisions in case something bad happens. Bad things happen all the time and I cannot live in fear. And I want to be closer to Jake so we can work on our relationship, and I want to be closer to Ryan and Queenie, even if it means leaving Tennessee.
“Even if the promotion isn’t on the table in Seattle?”
I prop my cheek on my fist. “Honestly, Pax and I talked about this last night, and I think the promotion needs to be put on hold regardless. I’m not saying I won’t want to revisit it in the future, but I need to focus on what’s important, and this baby takes priority over everything.”