“Are you going to?”
“I don’t know,” I admit. “I think Hazel is enough for right now.”
“Because you’re scared?” she asks, calling me out.
“Maybe.”
“What are you scared of?”
“For one, losing another baby.” I glance at her. “But also, my first thought when I found out I miscarried was, what if I can’t have a baby of my own? What if there’s something wrong with my body and I can’t give Chase a baby that’s part me and part him? And that made me feel guilty because in my eyes, Hazel is my own.”
“You’re human,” Lexi says, “and your fears are normal, but you know firsthand that it’s possible for a parents’ love to be unconditional, even if they aren’t biologically related to you.”
Lexi’s right. Lexi and I aren’t biologically related, but you’d never know it. Tristan is my adopted father, but to me he’s my dad. And my mom isn’t Lexi’s bio mom, but she loves her as if she’s her real mom. I hope one day when Hazel learns that I’m not her biological mom, she’ll still love me the same.
“Do you ever wish your bio mom had come to see you?”
Lexi takes a deep breath. “She was a druggy and she never once stopped long enough to try to see me, so no, I don’t.” Her gaze swings over to me. “Don’t tell me you’re considering letting Victoria see Hazel.”
“She’s clean, has been for several months.”
“So what? She gave her up.”
“Because she was on drugs. You said it yourself. Your mom never once stopped doing drugs long enough to see you, but what if she did? What if she had gotten sober and wanted to see you?”
Lexi shakes her head. “I don’t know. Drugs ended up killing her. Maybe it was for the best I never knew her.”
We play with the kids, until they’re both wiped out, and then Lexi heads out and Hazel and I walk home. She falls asleep in her stroller, and I leave her in it for her nap, knowing if I move her, she’ll wake up and won’t go back to sleep.
I stare at Victoria’s number for several long minutes before I give in and call her. “Hello,” she says, picking up on the second ring.
“Hi, it’s Georgia.”
“Oh, hey, I was hoping you would call.”
“I need to know what it is exactly you want,” I tell her, getting straight to the point.
“To see Hazel. To be in her life in some way. I’m just asking for a chance to prove that I can be clean and in her life.”
My thoughts go back to Lexi… She didn’t get that chance because her mom never stopped doing drugs long enough to want her.
“I’ll speak to Chase and let you know.”
“You told her, what?” Chase yells, making me jump. “What the hell were you thinking?” He’s never yelled at me. Not once—but we’ve also never fought. But he’s yelling now, and I don’t like that. Memories from when I was little surface. My dad yelling at me, getting in my face, and then slamming the door closed. Me banging on the door and begging for my mom.
I shrink back, unable to have a conversation with him if he’s going to yell. He must realize what he’s done because he takes a deep breath. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have yelled at you.”
“No, you shouldn’t have.” I hit him with a hard glare, making it clear I’m dead serious. “Please don’t do that again.”
He nods and drops down onto the couch. “Georgia, you can’t save the damn world, especially my ex-wife.”
“I’m not trying to save the world.” I sit next to him. “But the fact of the matter is, she gave birth to her, and when she was on drugs, instead of doing wrong by her, she gave her up, and now she’s clean and wants another chance. And if I were in her position—”
“You would never be in her position. You can’t even compare yourself to her.”
“You never know what the future holds. Anything can happen, and I’d hope if I messed up and then tried to make things right, I’d be given a second chance.”
Chase snorts humorlessly. “You’re so fucking naïve. This world isn’t perfect. It’s not filled with rainbows and unicorns.” He grabs Hazel’s stuffed unicorn and tosses it to the side. “You just don’t get it, and I’m glad you don’t. It means you’ve lived a life without any hardship, and I would give anything to be able to say I’ve lived a life like that. But what you need to understand is that the big, bad, cruel fucking world is going to eat you alive if you don’t recognize that outside your four walls everything is not perfect.”
“I’m pretty sure there’s a dig in there somewhere.” I stand, refusing to continue this conversation.
“It’s not a dig, it’s reality.”