“No,” Vera tried to say, but I shook my head.
“I did. I love him so much, and I ran from him like I always do. And I said mean things on my way out the door.”
I broke down the argument and how I ran when push came to shove. I hated admitting out loud what a coward I’d been. By the time I finished, I was almost out of tears, leaving sniffles and wet cheeks. Rae moved over to my other side, being a good friend and keeping me hydrated with wine through the story.
“Has he called?” Vera asked.
“I-I don’t know,” I winced.
“Nova. Hearst,” Rae reprimanded. “Stop being a little bitch and turn on your damn phone.”
I hesitantly pulled the phone from my purse and just stared at the settings. What if I swiped and there was nothing from him? What if there was only a message from Aspen letting me know she was firing me and that I could pick up my belongings at the local Goodwill? Before I could sink further into my what-ifs, Rae snatched my phone and turned airplane mode off.
My phone notifications went insane, and I immediately wanted to make it stop.
When I reached for the device, Rae strong-armed me and started tapping buttons. “Let me just turn off some of these pointless things.” More swipes, a few eye rolls, and a lot of scowling with muttered death threats to whatever was being said. “Now, I think I deserve an award for not snooping. I would like my reward to be you telling me every letter of those messages and maybe sending me a dick pic of the Viking, please.”
“What?” I snorted a mixture of nerves and laughter. Only fucking Rae.
“I’ll give you a second to read through them,” she explained, passing the phone back to me.
* * *
Rock Star: I’m so sorry. I was shocked, and I reacted.
* * *
Rock Star: Not just shocked. I was terrified. Here I was trying to keep your privacy safe, and I couldn’t even do that. So, when Aspen started taking control, I let it happen because I don’t know what the fuck I’m doing, and the last time I failed you, I really fucking failed.
* * *
Rock Star: Then I got angry. You looked at me like I should know what to do, and I didn’t. I felt useless, and it pissed me off.
* * *
Rock Star: Nova, I still don’t really know what to do, but I do know whatever it is, we need to figure it out together. I’ve spent the past five years having someone tell me what to do, and it’s frustrating as hell sometimes, but it’s easy.
* * *
Rock Star: I get so focused on my job and proving myself to everyone that I forget to think about me and what I want. And Nova, I want you. I meant what I said.
* * *
Rock Star: I wish you would pick up. I wish I could say all of this to you in person. I wish I wouldn’t have to say it at all. I wish I could promise I won’t screw up again. I wish for a lot. But mostly, I just wish for you to be here.
* * *
Rock Star: At least let me know you’re safe. At least give me that this time before you disappear.
* * *
The messages came over time yesterday. But nothing today. Had he changed his mind?
My fingers hovered over the buttons to respond, but I couldn’t form any words.
“Well?” Vera asked.
“He apologized.”
“That’s great.”
“But that was yesterday, and he hasn’t sent anything today, and his last message sounds irritated, and what if I fucked this up too much?”
“Well, it’s a good thing we’re not in middle school, and we can just ask him,” Rae said sarcastically.
“What if he won’t give me a chance?”
“Psshh. Of course, he will,” Rae said. “You’re Naughty Nova. Who turns that down?”
I laughed but shook my head. “I’m serious.”
“So am I. You’re a bomb-ass bitch that can handle everything,” she said fiercely.
“I don’t feel like it. He was right to call me a coward. I always run.”
“You’re not a coward. You just need a few seconds to process things,” Vera chimed in. “You may appear calm, but that fiery redhead is in there, and when you get hit with something big, you just need time to chill for an hour—or a couple of days.”
“Yeeessss,” Rae agreed, drawing out the word. “Remember that one time her mom tried to buy her a condo in Connecticut?”
“Oh, my god,” Vera groaned, clapping her hands. “She left for a week to…to…
“Colorado,” Rae filled in.
They talked across me like I wasn’t even there, and I watched in awe as they listed off a character trait I hadn’t realized was quite so obvious.
“But you always come back when you’ve had time to think it over. Like with your mom. You called her up and very politely told her fuck no,” Rae reminded me.