“I got a dick, Sawyer. That’s what I got, and I don’t want to mess it up with her.”
“So, you’re saying this isn’t about pussy? It’s about love?”
“Love? You’re getting ahead of yourself. I said I like her, not love her. Big fucking difference, dude.”
“You like her? Like, you want to date her and see where it goes?”
“I don’t know. That’s why I’m here.”
“And you think I would know?”
“Yes, you’re smart as shit, and you know everything.”
“Bro, I’m the last person to be giving you advice on liking a girl. The only bitch I like is my dog.”
“She’s different. Not like the girls we’re used to.” I smiled, glancing over at him, watching his gaze get wide the more I talked about her.
“Tell me if I’m following correctly… You don’t want to just sleep with her, but you want to date her? Like after you fuck her?”
“I think so.”
He reached over, trying to feel my forehead. “Do you have a fever?”
“Fuck you again, ass wipe! Forget about it. Forget I ever said anything. I’ll figure this out on my own, douche bag.”
“Ah, hell, can’t take a joke now, playboy? Man up. She know how you feel?”
“I don’t know. Don’t chicks have a sixth sense about this shit? She can probably smell it on me.”
He leaned forward. “You do kind of smell like a pussy.”
I shoved him, and he laughed. “Then go for her, Ashton. You like her, show her. Simple as that. Think and act with your head, and I’m not talking about the one on your cock.”
I inhaled a deep breath, contemplating what to say next. In the end, I decided to change the subject. “So no do-over on the shitty driver?”
“Now I didn’t say that.”
“Sawyer, you haven’t said shit.”
“Since when do I ever talk about the chicks I take home?”
“There’s a first time for everything. I mean, look at me. I sound like a chump, and you’re loving my pain and misery.”
“I’m emptying bedpans tonight, Ashton, so you’re far more entertaining. You do realize that you just sounded like a pansy, right? Please tell me you know that?”
I rolled my eyes.
“You ask a girl like her out for one reason and one reason only. Do I have to spell it out for you?”
“I get it.”
“No, I don’t think you do. Girls catch feeling quick, so I would make sure you understand what you’re doing. And like you said—she’s different than the girls you’re used to. We made a pact for a reason, but maybe that reason doesn’t matter to you anymore.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“It means maybe you’re ready to settle down, have a girlfriend. Or maybe you’re just fucking lonely.”
“I’m not lonely, I have you,” I mocked, grinning. “There’s something about her, there’s always been something about her.”
“Always?” he exclaimed, glaring at me as if he was a deer in headlights. “You mean you’ve been thinking about her all these years?”
“Maybe.”
“Holy shit! How are you just now telling me this? Has she been on your mind since you met her?”
“I’ve thought about her a time or two.”
“Must be a hellauva time or two if you’re still barking up her tree. Maybe you just have to bang her to get her out of your system?”
“Are we still using the word bang?”
“Yeah, bang is still an appropriate term to use in this conversation that I never thought I’d be having with you.”
“Trust me, hearing me say these words to you also has me up in arms, okay? I’m confused as fuck. I don’t want to like her. I wish I could just bang her and get her out of my system. She’s messing with my head, both of them! But here lies the problem, Sawyer. I know once I thrust balls deep inside of her, I’m going to want to live there, and I’m not sure I’m ready for that kind of commitment of a permanent home.”
He nodded. “You’re fucked.”
“No shit, Sherlock.” I pointed at him. “You know what? This conversation hasn’t helped me in the least. If anything, you’ve made me more fucking confused.”
“Well, pull up those panties, Ashton, and start acting like the best friend I know because you’re honestly full of shit right now. You know you can’t be in a serious relationship. You get bored with everything. You have the attention span of a five-year-old, particularly when it comes to women.”
“I paid attention to everything she said last night, Sawyer. I paid so much attention to what she told me that I’ve been contemplating it all day. Here’s the real fucking kicker—I want to know more about her. I want to know everything, especially what she looks like when I’m going down on her.”
“See, this is about sex. I bet once you diddle her, you’ll be over it and moving on to the next pussy waiting for you to make her come. Moral of the story, though—at least you tried.”