“That’s it, baby, take it,” he crooned to me, and nipped at my bottom lip as I rode him. Our tongues meshed and our bodies merged, a heady, dizzying spiral of sweat and clinging and strength and vulnerability. I could give him this, an intense, raw coupling in the middle of the night, as quiet as we could be because we weren’t alone in the house, I jerked my hips forward and tried to wipe off my grin, but he surged up into me with shout as he came. That shout and the sensation of his hot, liquid cum pouring into me made me quiver and clench like a fist around his cock. He thumbed my clit frantically, and I came and came until I was breathless. Then I sobbed a little. Because I’d never felt so complete or so happy.
Max held me, and I turned over on my side, curled up a little because I felt so exposed. He had to know I was in love with him after all that, and especially after I started crying. There wasn’t going to be any convincing him that I always cry at weddings, movies and sex. I couldn’t act like this was normal, and he’d get relationship panic in the next ten seconds, thinking I expected something from him. When I knew better than to ask for more than this night. Even if I deserved more, deserved the horse and carriage, the rings and doves and declarations of devotion. I’d chosen this knowing it was all he was capable of giving me. So I’d hold every sweet moment of it close to my heart and try not to worry about goodbyes until I had to.
He curled up behind me and tucked me back into his chest, surrounding me with his body and his arms. He kissed my cheek and my hair. He let me snuggle up with him and drift off to sleep in perfect bliss. Wishing it could last forever.
16
Max
I shook myself awake, startled. The windows were dark. It was late at night. I felt and heard her before memory came flooding back in. Rachel was in bed with me, asleep. She’d been in my arms until I sat up, scrubbed my hands over my face. What the hell had I been thinking?
We’d had such a sweet, deep moment putting Sadie to bed together, like a family. It had made all my feelings just come to the surface and I couldn’t deny them, couldn’t deny who and what I wanted. I hadn’t meant for it to happen, and I definitely hadn’t meant for us to fall asleep. No matter how much I knew this was a mistake, I liked seeing her beside me, her hair spread out across the pillow, her skin pale in the moonlight. I trailed my hand up her bare arm, memorizing the softness of her skin. I kissed her shoulder and then woke her gently.
“Rachel,” I whispered. She stirred but didn’t wake. I leaned in closer, kissed her neck, said her name again. She gave a sleepy smile, stretched catlike and turned into my arms. I stroked her cheek and kissed her softly. “I’m sorry to wake you up. It’s late and, really, I don’t want to confuse Sadie, and I’m not sure how to explain this to her.”
“No, it’s fine. I’ll go. I don’t want her to see me here either. I’m sorry I fell asleep,” she said.
“No, I fell asleep too. I guess I was worn out,” I gave a crooked grin and then suppressed it. “Last night was incredible, and I like you very much…” I paused, trying to get my words right, trying not to sound like a complete ass.
“But you don’t want to confuse Sadie,” she finished for me, her voice low and even, resigned.
She nodded. Sitting naked in my bed, a sheet pulled up to her armpits, she nodded as if we were in total agreement that this was a lovely mistake never to be revisited.
“I don’t want you to think I don’t value you,” I said, and I heard how crappy that sounded in my head as I said it. “I value you and your role in Sadie’s life too much to treat you like a friend with benefits. I’m well aware that a woman like you, loyal and dedicated and loving, deserves better than what I can give, including this. Including spending tonight together. It was selfish of me to take you to bed, knowing that this was all I could give you. I don’t regret it. Maybe a better man would.”
“I don’t regret it either,” she said softly. “I didn’t do anything I didn’t want to do. You didn’t seduce me or anything. I’ve been dreaming of being with you like this. And I’m a big girl. I knew you weren’t going to change your mind all of a sudden just because we spent a night together. It wasn’t going to change your priorities or your plans. I wanted to be with you anyway.”