“Sounds like Rachel’s a lot of fun,” Noah said.
“She is! We do picnics and we make art like she let me paint with this white gooey stuff but we put colors in it—it’s shiny!”
“Condensed milk,” I explained. “And food coloring. It dries to a shine and it smells like—condensed milk,” I said wryly. “They do crafts and stuff. Like kids do with their babysitters.”
“I used to stay with my grandma while my parents worked. We watched Young and the Restless together, and I learned how to mix gin and 7-Up for her.”
“Okay, moving right along,” I laughed. “Maybe some sitters are better than others.”
“I loved my grandma. And she liked her soaps and her mixed drinks. People have different standards. Point is, your girl Rachel’s doing a terrific job.”
“She is,” I admitted.
“She had supper with us, but it’s been a lot of days ago. I was gonna ask her last night, but Daddy was giving me a mad look right then.”
“Really? Daddy needs to lighten up and have fun,” Noah teased.
“This is fun,” I replied.
“It’s fun, but it’d be more fun with Rachel,” Sadie said.
She wasn’t complaining and didn’t sound gloomy, but she also wasn’t wrong. She was telling me clearly that she wanted Rachel to be here with us for nights like this. I couldn’t exactly say I was making all my choices with my daughter in mind, but still ignore what she was actually saying. The people closest to me thought Rachel was good for me. I wanted Rachel. The only thing stopping me, then, was myself and my stubbornness.
I felt lighter, hopeful.
“Maybe we’ll ask her to join us next time,” I said.
“Oh really?” Noah said.
“Really.”
My whole body felt less tense. Talking and laughing felt easier, and the weight in my chest was easing off. Maybe this was something I could let myself have after all, Rachel in my life, something real.
19
Rachel
Monday morning when I got to the cabin, Max wasn’t in his usual rush to get out of there. He asked how my weekend was. I was kind of used to him avoiding me, so I was a little flabbergasted.
“It was good. How about you?”
“Nice, we had Noah come over and I grilled out. Sadie played on her swing set. We hung out outside until the mosquitos decided the citronella didn’t bother them anymore.”
“Sounds like you had a good weekend,” I said, not really knowing what to do with Friendly Max instead of Grumpy, Hurried Max. “I worked, but on Sunday night, I went for Mexican with the girls. We had a fun night out.”
“Did you go to Gaucho’s? They have the best arroz con pollo. I’ve had it a couple times, but Sadie doesn’t really like their food.”
“You can always get her a Happy Meal,” I suggested.
“That’s true,” he said with a half-smile.
“The next time we grill out, Sadie wants you to come. If you’re free.”
“Really? Okay, well, if that’s what Sadie wants.” I said archly.
“I want that, too,” he said. I just blinked at him for a second. I felt like my mind was blown and that maybe I needed to sit down and take deep breaths because Max Shaffer was asking me over for dinner with his kid after acting all distant and polite for ages.
“I’d like that. If I’m not working,” I said.
“You girls have a good day. We picked up some blackberries from the farmer’s market yesterday, cause Sadie said something about you teaching her to make a tart with pastry cream. I’m not sure what that is, but I’ll sure as hell eat it,” he grinned.
“You’ll love it.”
He left, and I felt happy and confused, which was better than sad and resigned. After we played outside and had lunch, Sadie and I started making a shortbread crust for the tarts. I taught her how to dump beans on the crust to weigh it down in the oven so it could blind bake and not gain too much golden color. By the time we’d put the pastry cream in the fridge to chill, my phone was ringing and it was Hugh. That was never a good sign.
“Hello?” I answered.
“Rach, Kelly just went home sick.”
“Okay. I know I have her scheduled for the shift before mine, but—”
“I already tried everybody on the list, trying to do you a solid cause I know you’re busy with the little girl during the day. Nobody can come in to work it. I have a doctor’s appointment at one that I can’t miss. You’re the manager, kid. Come cover the shift.”
“I’ll have to call Max. I’ll be in as soon as I can get there.”
“I can hold down the fort for a half-hour, but you know the customers don’t like me.”
“They love you, Hugh. Hang in there. I’ll just—call Max.”
I dialed Max’s number.
“Hey, I’m sorry to bother you, but I had to call because something came up. I need to leave and go to the diner. Can you come take over with Sadie for the rest of the day?”