“Nope.” She reached for the container stuffed with chocolate cake. “It would be hypocritical of me to judge you. I’m just surprised you don’t want the job is all.”
“If I could do the job without giving up the parts of the job I love, I might consider it. Otherwise, I’m not interested. But good luck to the sucker who does want the position.”
She looked at me with her head tilted, once again studying me, probably trying to figure out what was wrong with me. She was probably thinking the same thing as every other woman. He’d be perfect if he just changed a few things.
I wasn’t interested in that, not even for a woman like Teddy.
“Okay.”
“Okay? That’s it? Just okay and you’re cool with it?” It felt like a trap, but Teddy didn’t seem like the kind of woman who played those games.
Teddy shrugged again and reached for another slice of melon and prosciutto. “It’s your life and your choice. I’m not invested in your choice either way, but it seems like a job that was made with you in mind, and I was curious why you didn’t want it.”
“And now you’re no longer curious?” I didn’t know if that left me feeling relieved or more worried than ever.
“No, but you’ve answered my question. Mostly.”
“Mostly?” That one little word contained a wealth of meaning and I wouldn’t let Teddy get away with that tantalizing clue without forcing her to elaborate.
She nodded and sat up, pushing her long dark hair off her shoulders with a sigh. “It’s too much commitment for you. Taking charge of the emergency department means you’re committed to staying in Jackson’s Ridge, and I think buying the house was enough commitment for you for the moment.”
I shook my head. “You’re the queen of the backhanded compliment, you know that?”
Her laughter was low and thick with amusement. “I just mean that a long mortgage and now a big renovation is a clear sign you’re finally admitting that this place is where you want to put down roots.”
“This place is my home,” I reminded her.
“Of course, and it always will be, but your house, and the renovation, is your way of committing to staying here. To living here and growing old here. It’s a lot for a man who values his independence as much as you do.”
“And you see a problem with valuing one’s independence?”
“Hell no,” she insisted with a shake of her head, tendrils of hair blowing in the late afternoon breeze. “I value my independence, too, so I understand you to a certain degree. In fact, I commend you for knowing your limitations. I think it’s far better to be honest with yourself about what you can and cannot do, rather than sign up for something you’re not prepared for. Disappointing people is better than failing them.”
On the one hand, it was comforting to realize that Teddy really did understand me, but her assessment didn’t sound quite as flattering as her tone indicated. She made it sound like a flaw, or at the very least, a shortcoming—and worse, it sounded as if she pitied me for my choices.
I could take a lot of things, but not pity.
Never pity.
And the last person in the world I wanted to pity me was the lively, beautiful woman I was trying to convince to see me again.
Teddy
Thank goodness Cal had reminded me, once again, of the man he was instead of the man he could be. I could admit to myself that I liked him more than I should, and that I’d debated seducing him before, during, and after that backyard picnic that now seemed like a lifetime ago. It had only been three days since that intimate meal in the privacy of my yard, but it had cemented one fact in my mind loud and clear: Cal was bad news.
Big, bad news.
It wasn’t just because he was hot as hell, or more charming than any man had a right to be. It wasn’t even because he was a kind and brilliant surgeon who seemed to actually give a damn about the people he cut open and treated in the ER. Those were bad enough, but what made him so dangerous was the fact that no matter how much he told a woman not to fall for him, his actions just about guaranteed that she would.
No thanks.
His words, those spoken and unspoken, had been just the reminder I needed. They were the bucket of ice water that cooled me off while I plowed through a mountain of delicious gourmet food and tried hard to ignore the way his gaze and the sweet gesture had heated my body. I was grateful to him for his honesty because it had prevented me from making a mistake, one I wouldn’t be able to undo.
Cal liked his life the way it was—from his job, to his home, to his personal relationships. He wasn’t looking to change anything, and that was just fine with me. I just had to keep reminding myself that I wasn’t looking to just slot myself into someone else’s life. I wanted to find a relationship that worked for me and my lucky future man. He wouldn’t complain about my late hours or how many men I dealt with in my line of work, and I wouldn’t get too mad when he did the stupid things men often did. That was what I wanted, but it was incompatible with what Cal wanted.