He’d only been in a couple of times since that day in my office and when he had, we barely talked. Only polite business talk. I hadn’t thrown shoes at anyone in for
ever. I hadn’t yelled at anyone either. No wonder I felt so weird.
I mean, it wasn't like he had to come in every single night. Maybe he was out seeing other bands, trying to drum up more interest in his gig. Maybe he was having a quiet night at home watching a movie. Maybe he was with another girl.
That struck me in the belly.
This competition seemed like a whole lot of bother just to get a date with me. I wouldn’t bother making that much effort to date me. Carlie, for example, she'd be a much better catch than me. She stomped around in her platform ankle boots that emphasized her long, muscular legs, but Razer and Alex didn't seem to give her a second look.
Even Gina. Although her shyness was hard for me to deal with sometimes, guys loved that kind of thing. It gave them more space to talk about themselves. She sat at the bar with Jackson most nights, the two of them barely talking at times but with a friendly atmosphere between them. He never got angry with her like he did with other people. They said they were just friends but I wondered if there was more going on than that. He was a lot older than her and obviously had more life experience. He had more life experience than anyone. World-weary and angry, that was Jackson. But she seemed to calm him.
When I turned back, it wasn’t Razer at all. Just a trick of the lighting making someone with a similar haircut look like him.
The emptiness flooded back.
Chapter 33 VIOLET
MY OFFICE FELT STUFFIER than usual. Even my fan did nothing but move the air around. It just blew the papers off my desk so I had to put a glass on top of them. I couldn't even settle down to nap. Nerves flickered through my body, stirring up my senses.
The final numbers for Alex's night had been even higher than I'd first thought. Razer had to oversell his gig to win.
I played a demo one of the bands had sent in but got to the end and I realized I hadn’t listened to a note.
I had no reason to be nervous. I didn't care who won this competition. No matter which one of them won, I'd endure the night then things would go back to normal. Hopefully, totally normal. Chuck would get his money. The club would be saved. I'd keep my job and this whole nasty business would be long forgotten.
If that was the case, why did I feel like buffalos were stampeding over my chest? Why did my hands tremble and my stomach churn?
I opened up the folder of band bios. I needed to get that info onto the computer but I couldn't focus on it.
Earlier in the day, the guys had come in to do their soundcheck. Bill had to work in the afternoon so they’d wanted to get it done super early. They'd sounded good but none of that mattered if they couldn't get the numbers through the door. They could be the greatest band in the world, putting on their premium performance, but it all came down to the numbers.
I hung around watching them, and Carlie came in early to join me.
"You don't need to be here, you know," I said to her. "I'd have stayed in bed if I could."
"Yeah, right."
I wasn't sure what she meant by that. Sometimes, she tried to be too wise and all-knowing but she couldn't know something I didn't even know myself, and my feelings about this whole thing were a mess.
It seemed like every emotion I could possibly feel about this competition had been tossed into a blender. I couldn't pick out just one and say emphatically that was how I felt because they'd all been churned up together until nothing made any sense.
"Anyway," Carlie said, "I've got a vested interest in this since I'm running the book on it. I'm going to be screwed if Razer wins. Well, I'll have enough to cover the bets but I won't be making boot-buying cash, if you know what I mean. Plus, it's kinda fun to see you squirm."
I punched her arm. My squirming was not for anyone's amusement.
The guys finished up their song.
"Sounds good," Razer called.
Hamish gave him a salute. No outside sound guy for Razer.
"See ya tonight," Razer had called as he left.
I gave him a wave. "Good luck."
Razer gave me a broad grin. “You wished me luck? That means you want me to win.”
Then he paused and the grin left his face as though he’d forgotten those things I’d said to him just for that brief moment. He walked out of the bar and I went back to my office to get some work done, except hours later I’d achieved nothing.