She rolled her eyes. "No, I want vodka. My guts are fine."
"You arguing with me? Are you drunk? If you are, I can't serve you. We have laws about responsible service of alcohol, you know."
She turned to her friend and shook her head. While she did that, an old guy came to the bar.
"Beer, thanks love."
I ignored the girl to serve him but she stood there, waiting.
"Listen, I want two vodkas. I'm not drunk and you're just being weird. So, serve me my drinks."
I folded my arms. She couldn't force me to serve her. Before I could say another word, Holden walked in the door. I grabbed a couple of glasses and rushed her order. Then I ignored him. I wanted to check the time. I wanted to jump the bar and hug him. Or punch him. I wasn't quite sure which one. Maybe a punch-hug.
He walked up to the bar but I didn't look at him. He could wait until I was good and ready.
"Hey, Holden," said Drew, sitting down next to him.
"Hey Drew, get back to work. You're still on shaky ground."
Drew scowled at me as he got up.
"So, how's your night been?" Holden asked.
I wanted to smile nicely and act like I didn't care that he'd wandered in so late. It wasn't like we were dating or anything. We were sleeping together and he'd talked a lot of fancy words, that was all. Still, my mouth worked without being connected to my brain.
"Really fucking shit if you must know. Where have you been? I thought you were coming in after your interview."
Nice way to sound like a nagging wife.
"Oh yeah, sorry. Shun called after the interview and we got talking..."
"Fine." I turned away from him. Maybe I should go out the back and get the restock done.
When I walked out, he followed me.
"Are you shitty with me?" he asked. "I said I was sorry."
"Well, Holden, sorry doesn't cut it. You can fuck up a thousand times and say sorry every time but you know what makes that believable? Not fucking up in the first place."
He grabbed for me but I pulled back.
"What's wrong, really? It's not like we had definite plans. I’d have just been sitting around the bar, waiting for you to finish. It's work, Carlie. You know that. Things come up. Shun had some amazing ideas for the new album and we had to talk through them."
"Like what?"
God, I hated myself but part of me wanted to get actual confirmation from Shun that the two of them had been talking and it wasn't just Holden running around.
"Are you ever going to trust me? Is that what this is about?" His voice echoed around the storeroom. I shut the door so we couldn't be heard in the bar.
"I want to, I really do."
"But you don't."
"But I don't."
Then the silence stretched out with only the music from the band upstairs breaking it. I couldn't lie. I didn't trust him. That was facts.
"I don't know how I can convince you, Carlie. I can't check in with you every five minutes. I can't wear a tracking device —"