I couldn’t talk. If I couldn’t say what I wanted to say, I’d say nothing at all. It was as awkward as hell. Jackson sat on the edge of the hospital bed, staring at the curtain. I sat in the chair, staring at the floor.
An orderly came in and did some tests. Took Jackson’s blood pressure, asked him to fill in some papers.
“Are you family?” he asked me.
I shook my head. I didn’t even know what I was. It seemed like I was pretty nothing.
The waiting stretched on and on. I was about ready to smother the moaning girl with a pillow to put us all out of our misery when the orderlies came and got her. I wasn’t sure where we were in the order of things. It’d been over two hours.
“Do you want a drink?” I asked Jackson. “I think there’s a vending machine near the nurse’s station.”
He shook his head.
I had no idea what was going through his mind. At any point in the last two hours, he could’ve given me an explanation but he’d kept quiet. We were like two random strangers thrown together. Surely, he wouldn’t get angry for no reason but, if he couldn’t tell me, then what did we have between us? No kind of relationship, that’s for sure.
Finally, the doctor came in. It wasn’t a regular doctor but the one he’d seen for the surgery.
“Sorry about the wait but I wanted to see you myself.”
He examined Jackson’s hand then sent him off for some tests. I went out to the waiting room and picked up an old magazine. It had Tori Spelling on the cover.
Finally, it was over and we saw the doctor again.
“We just have to wait and see. Just do not put any pressure like that on your hand again. It was a damn stupid thing to do. You shouldn’t be drinking in the first place, let alone drinking and getting into a brawl.”
He replaced the splint and made an appointment for Jackson to come back.
Jackson called a cab. I wasn’t going to join him. He could go off on his own. He’d be returning to Trouble.
“Are you coming with me?” He held the cab door open.
I shook my head. “I’m not in the mood.”
“Suit yourself.”
Before he could leave, I ran over to him.
“Why did you do it? Just tell me you had a reason. After all you’ve been through, do you really care so little.”
“He pissed me off. That’s all.”
“You really care nothing for yourself, do you? You need to see a shrink. Until you get that sorted, I don’t know if I can be with you.”
I folded my arms and walked to the next cab on the rank, opening the door. I didn’t want to say anything because what could I say? He’d known the consequences but had done something so stupid anyway.
Jackson closed the cab door and took off. That was probably for the best but it made me feel abandoned. If he cared, wouldn’t he try to make this right?
“Where to?” the taxi driver asked, tapping his fingers against the steering wheel with impatience
. I told him to take me home. There was no other place for me.
Chapter 30 Jackson
I’D FUCKED THINGS UP royally. I knew that. Gina was damn mad. She rarely fought or yelled. She kept those things deep inside her and that just made it worse. Worse for her because she had no outlet and worse for me because I had nothing to fight against.
She’d stopped coming into the bar and she’d stopped coming to my place. I could go to hers but what would I say? If I apologized, she might be okay with that but what would it matter in the long term? I wasn’t sure I could do this. I’d been full of optimism when I’d agreed to the surgery but now it seemed hopeless. Even if I got the feeling back in my hand, I had no career now. No desire to get back on stage. The future that stretched before me seemed bleak. The only reason I even got out of bed and got dressed was to go to the club to drink.
There was nothing for me to do but drink. Drink was the only thing I could depend on in this world.