When she’d walked away from me, I let her go. It was the only thing I could do for her.
Chapter 31 Gina
I NEVER EXPECTED JACKSON to come after me. I knew him better than that. He had a whole world of pride. I wasn’t even sure I wanted him to. Maybe he was right. Maybe he was too damaged to love anyone. I didn’t know how to fight that. I’d have done anything to help him but, if he didn’t want help, what could I do
I cried myself to sleep that night. Full of pity for myself and for him. I wanted him to see how much better life could be but he closed that door on me.
He’d told me that I was better off without him. I never believed that. But I was better off without the destruction he wanted to cause. I’d honestly thought he could do this but I had no idea what went on in his head.
The next morning, I had to go to work. I’d had so much time off already. The day started bad and ended up worse. Margie dumped a whole bunch of files on my desk.
“These need to be retyped,” she said with a smile.
They weren’t even my files. They were hers. She’d screwed them up and wanted me to fix her mistakes. She lingered, almost like she was goading me to retaliate. I had no fight in me, though. It’d be easier to just retype the things. If I fought her, it’d just end up all the worse for me.
She got bored and walked off when I picked up the first file and began work on it.
By mid-morning, I’d gotten halfway through the pile when I got called to the boss’s office. Again.
“You haven’t even started on your work today? What’s wrong with you lately?” he asked.
I fumbled with my hands. “I had some files...”
“Files?”
“They needed to be retyped.” My voice sounded weak and uncertain.
“If you need to redo work, that shouldn’t take priority. That’s how you get behind.”
I looked at him. He knew absolutely nothing about what was going on in this office. He had no understanding of how to even run an office. I wanted to say something but nothing mattered. I was tired. He sat back in his chair, looking at me with judgment in his eyes. I froze inside. There was nothing I could do to make this better.
“Do you have any reason for this?”
I could tell him, about Margie and all the petty tricks, but I’d tried before and it hadn’t worked. I just shook my head. What was the point of fighting for myself? I’d only ever lose. I’d end up worse off than ever.
“You obviously aren’t that interested in this job. That’s disappointing. I had such high hopes for you.”
I looked up then. High hopes? That was the first I’d heard of it. I’d never seen any end to the day-to-day drudgery. I needed this job. I didn’t have much money saved. I had rent due and I had bills to pay. If I didn’t have that to worry about, I’d walk out of here and never come back.
My mother’s words replayed in my head. That I’d never make it on my own and I should just move back home. That town was a trap, though.
“I’ll try to do better,” I mumbled like I always did.
No matter what, I tried to do better but it seemed like often in this life I didn’t even know what I was trying for. Some goal that had never been defined for me and that I’d never agreed to. I tried to do better at work but no one was ever satisfied. I tried to help Jackson and it ended up so badly.
“That isn’t going to cut it this time. We’ve taken disciplinary action in the past and it hasn’t worked. I’m afraid that unless you give some clear explanation of your actions, we’ll have to terminate your employment.”
I could’ve fought when he said that. I could’ve told him exactly what had happened but, like Drew had said on our date, I lacked killer instinct. I had no fight in me. Margie would deny giving me those files. She could out-talk me and out-think me. She didn’t die inside like I did.
I just nodded. I’d get a small payout of wages owed and unused vacation days. I’d live for a few weeks at least.
After we visited HR an
d got it all sorted, I cleaned out my desk. There wasn’t much to clear. I never had personal things at work. I’d wanted to be invisible, with no trace of my personality on view to others. Just some packet soups and a couple of receipts I’d thrown in there. I threw the soups in the trash can.
Dianna walked past and grinned.
“Oh, are you leaving us?” she said.