I nodded. Then turned to him.
“She was at the bar?”
“Yeah, she came in to see Sally and hung around afterwards. She seemed so nervous about it, I said I’d check them out.”
Hell, one thing I did NOT want was Dee getting too friendly with my staff. I’m sure they’d heard rumours, God knows what they’d heard, but that was a whole other thing. I could hardly forbid her from coming in here, though.
The band went into their last song. My hand shook. My brain froze. I had no idea how to deal with this, and that was a feeling I wasn’t used to. They could not play that song.
Dee
Every trace of nerves and fear melted away under those stage lights. From the moment I walked on stage, I knew this was where I was meant to be. The times we’d played at friend’s parties and practice gigs had been nothing on this. All the pain I carried with me transformed. I screamed my feelings out to the world instead of keeping them wrapped up inside.
We finished our first song and a few of the old drunks clapped. I couldn’t see them with the lights blinding me but I was as grateful as hell to know there was someone out there listening.
As we started playing the next song, something went wrong with my guitar lead. My heart stopped. I gave the plug a good shove and hoped for the best. A screw up like that could throw off my tentative confidence. Pete raised his eyebrows at me but I kept playing. If it wasn’t the connection to my guitar, I had no idea what it would be. I looked toward the sound guy, Hamish. He gave me the thumbs up.
I got through the song with no problem. A few more people had gathered, we got a few cheers, but they seemed far away. This wasn’t about them. It was about me and the guitar. I had a power up here that didn’t need an audience. All I needed was to get the words out, the words and the pain behind them.
I had no idea how we even sounded.
We only played a short set, which was a good thing. We had a limited number of songs. Some from Jake’s notebooks that I’d worked into complete songs and one that Pete had written. I took a back seat while he sang on that one. It gave me a chance to get my breath back, crack open a bottle of water and look over the crowd.
I couldn’t be sure but it looked like Alex sat the bar with Holden King. He had turned up. Not that it meant anything. Holden might think we were the worst amateurs he’d ever heard. I didn’t need his approval anyway.
Before we started into the final song, I took a deep breath. This would be the hardest. It was a song Jake had been working on just before he died. He’d not finished it but I’d worked with Pete to add the music that Jake hadn’t written.
I played the first verse with a sense of satisfaction. This was going better than I’d even expected. The words and the music worked so well together. Perfection. It was a sweet song, much sweeter than the rest of our set.
I’d just started on the chorus when the sound cut out. We kept playing but nothing, only the beat of Ferdie’s drums. Pete and I stared at each other then turned to the sound desk. Alex stood beside the sound guy. I couldn’t see his expression and no one said a word. Even Ferdie stopped drumming.
“What the fuck?” screamed one of the heavy metal guys.
I unplugged my guitar and headed off stage. I’d get my gear and leave. Before I could get to the door though, Alex had moved across the room and blocked my way.
“You are NEVER to play that song.”
“Like hell. I’ll play whatever song I want.”
“I’m telling you —”
“It’s Jake’s song.”
“I forbid you.”
“You forbid me? Just you try to enforce that. What are you going to do about it? Get your parents to write me a big, fat cheque? That’s how you deal with things, isn’t it?”
With that, I pushed past him. I wanted to get my bag and get the hell out of this club. All those feelings I’d had on stage vanished. I was back to being me, nothing had changed. One moment I’d felt like I could fly but now I’d crash back to the ground. With one hell of a thud.
Alex got in front of me, putting his leg on a box to block my way. I kicked his ankle but he just flinched, not moving. So I jumped up on the box, passing him that way.
He grabbed my arms, holding me tightly in his grasp. I struggled but couldn’t get away.
“Listen to me, Dee. You can’t play that song. Ever. Jake wouldn’t have wanted it.”
I kicked out at him. I didn’t want him touching me, I didn’t want his hands burning into my skin.
“Yeah, well you know what else Jake wouldn’t have wanted? To have been killed by some dickhead who shouldn’t have been behind the wheel. I think Jake most definitely wouldn’t have wanted that. Anyway, don’t worry, I’ll never play at your club again, so it’s not like you’ll have to hear it again.”