“That’s the truth, but how do I fix that?”
She sat with her legs folded, her fingers twisted in her hair. I wondered what I could do to help.
“Will you let me help?”
She snorted.
“Forget about your hate and all those emotions you have stored up against me. Stop thinking of me as the Alex you knew growing up.” I picked up one of the papers. “It looks like you’ve drained yourself, trying to do this. Maybe if you talk it out with me, you’ll work out what you want to say.”
Rather than answer, she bit harder on her finger.
“Come on. No funny business, nothing like that. Just a truce for an hour or two, and then you can go back to hating me and sticking pins into that voodoo doll you have of me, or whatever it is you do.”
“Hey, I don’t have a voodoo doll…”
“Shit, I’ve put ideas in your head!”
That actually made the corners of her mouth curl up a little.
“Okay.”
“You’ll do it?” I couldn’t believe she’d actually agreed. I was way too excited about that “okay”. What the hell was she doing to me?
“Yeah, but you can take me out for coffee because this is the worst cup of tea I’ve ever tasted in my life.”
Dee
I told myself I was only doing this to get closer to Alex so I could better destroy him, but that wasn’t totally true. The bastard was being totally charming, and I caught myself smiling at things he said more than I liked. When he was with me, acting like that, it became harder to see him as the enemy. He was the Alex I’d fallen for as a kid. Not even that, he was the Alex of my girlhood dreams. The perfect Alex I’d imagined in every fantasy.
First, we went for breakfast, a huge breakfast with the most perfect pancakes, like fluffy clouds with a caramelised top. They were one of the best things I’d ever eaten. Alex sat opposite me eating some hipster Paleo shit. I mocked his perfectly healthy breakfast.
“Ha, don’t you wish you were young and could eat what you wanted still?” I said.
He twisted his mouth and didn’t answer. But his eyes sparkled. I turned my head away because I didn’t want him mushing up my thoughts with those eyes. I hated Alex. Alex was the enemy. Why did I even have to keep reminding myself of that?
I ordered more coffee. I’d not slept all night and my head felt fuzzy. If I was going to spend time with Alex, I’d need to be awake and have my wits about me.
Once the dishes had been cleared away, Alex got my notes and spread them out on the table.
“What exactly are you trying to do with this song? What kind of mood?”
I wasn’t sure that I wanted to discuss that with him. It seemed awfully personal. I mean, I wanted this song to scrape the contents of my heart. I guess though, once I’d written it and had to perform it, those feelings would be public anyway. It was just harder talking about them one-on-one with Al
ex.
“I want to capture that feeling of loss. That blankness. Being at the centre of things, and being empty.”
Alex nodded. He didn’t need any extra explanation. He sorted through the sheets, then grabbed a pen and circled things, crossed out other things.
“For starters, you’re getting too complex. It’s a song, not a novel. Just work with one thought, one image. You don’t want to load it down.”
I nodded. “But I have so much I want to say.”
“There are other songs. I like this bit about the bear in the snow. That’s a really nice image. Start with that and see what you come up with.”
I grabbed searched for in my bag for more paper but I’d scribbled over every sheet. Alex got out his fancy notebook and tore out a page. He handed it to me and I copied what I’d first written, then added to it. As I wrote, a tune came into my head. I hummed it as I read the lines.
Alex wrote in his notebook. I glanced over. He’d taken down the notes I’d hummed and put them on music pages at the back of the book. I’d forgotten he’d had classical music training, piano lessons and all that. Still, it seemed awfully clever of him. I could read music but I’d not be able to pluck something out of the air and translate it like that.