“There are others just as strong.”
Matt’s friendly grin had steel behind it.
“Look, if it was up to me, I’d be fine with whatever you want to release but the higher-ups, they make the final decisions.” He shrugged but he wasn’t going to budge. I wasn’t even sure if there were any real “higher-ups” or if he just used that to get leverage.
That pile of paper sat on the table in front of me, promising me so much. I’d be shitting all over Razer and every other joker who’d looked down on me if I signed it. We’d have a legitimacy that we’d lacked until now.
Plus, that big mouth, Hedley, had told everyone we were getting this golden deal. I’d look like a fool if I didn’t sign. The deal, the festivals, all of it dissolved in front of me. I wanted this. I’d played hard ball but I’d have folded like cheap origami during the negotiations if they’d pushed me. Because I needed them more than they needed me.
But it was Jake’s song.
The question banging against the walls of my brain was, “would anyone find out?”
Dee, she’d know, but maybe I could get away with it. Come up with a good story? Offer her money? Maybe she wouldn’t care, anyway. It wasn’t like the song was anything to her. I could tell myself that.
I picked up the fancy pen and scrawled my signature on that contract before I changed my mind.
The other guys followed me.
Matt disappeared for a moment then come back with a bottle of champagne and some glasses. A woman followed him in with a camera.
“Some photos for the website,” she said.
The three of us posed with Matt, the other two grinning widely. I sneered. My face wouldn’t smile.
***
We celebrated at the bar that night. Hedley ended up vomiting in the toilets and Fabian went home with some chick he’d picked up. That left me on my own. Cheers to me. I figured it was better to go home myself than hang out drinking more in my morose state. I didn’t want to listen to Carlie’s wisecracks. I didn’t want to deal with Drew. My own company was best.
I walked the long way home, hands in my pockets, my head down. Then I got to the traffic lights and realised Dee was beside me.
“Hey,” I said.
She smiled, a kind of smile. Nothing like the real thing.
“Mind if I walk with you?” I said.
“We’re walking in the same direction; I guess I can’t stop you.”
That was a yes. If she’d not wanted me around, she’d have most definitively said no. I took my hand out of my pocket, aching to hold her hand, even more to put my arm around her neck. To walk down the street with her, letting the world know she was mine. I was that stupid.
“I heard the news. Congratulations,” she said.
This was the time, the perfect moment when I could tell her about the track. It might all be okay. I needed to just take the chance and tell her.
“Just a sec,” she said. “I need to pop in here and get some milk.”
I stood outside the convenience store, watching her in the overly bright interior. She grabbed the milk out of the fridge, then stood, brushing her hair out of her face at the cashier. She reached into her pocket and took out a hair tie and drew her hair back into a ponytail.
She smiled as she came out.
“I missed out on breakfast this morning because I had no milk for my cereal. And I bet the guys forget to buy any.”
I walked beside her in silence. She told me about her job at the clothing store and a funny story about some customer but I couldn’t really focus on what she was saying.
Her hair shone in the moonlight and she became so involved in telling the story that it seemed like, for just a short time, her defences came down. I wouldn’t tell her about the song and I wouldn’t push too hard. With any other woman, I’d have made a move and not even considered rejection but, with Dee, rejection was high risk.
When we got to the apartment, she didn’t run straight inside. She kept talking, asking me about the contract.