“It’s not finished, and it’s not that great.”
“Just play it.”
I got started, keeping my head down. I want didn’t to look at him. It killed me to play that song. I realised just how much I needed his approval. I’d rather never let him listen to it than risk him hating it.
When I finished, I put the guitar down.
“It’s fantastic, Dee. There are a few things that need work but it has the seeds of something brilliant.”
Slowly, I raised my head to look at him. He wasn’t lying, I could tell that much. He’d liked my song. My heart fluttered. It did more than flutter, it swarmed and then took flight.
“It’s still pretty rough.” I took out my hair band, readjusting it. “I’m not sure if it has the feeling I want.”
“It feels like longing and sadness and despair, but beneath it all, there’s a sense of hope.”
I tried to stifle my smile. I didn’t want to look like I was full of myself but that was exactly what I wanted to convey.
Alex looked at me, really looked at me. I wanted to turn my gaze from him. He tore apart every inch of me, searching for something.
Shit, if I’d known all this drama was going to happen, I’d have at least put on clean pyjamas. I was a complete slob, and that was something Alex hated. No wonder he didn’t want to get close to me.
He sat down on the sofa beside me. I nibbled on my finger but he brushed my hand away from my mouth.
I wanted to move away but I couldn’t. His leg touched mine and I feared what would happen. A lust-fuelled groping had been one thing but now, after all, we’d gone through, I couldn’t get that close to him and then turn back. It had to be all or nothing.
The space between us shrunk, though. I wasn’t sure if that was my doing or his, or maybe the really crappy springs on Sally’s sofa. His breath tickled my neck and I had no idea what to do with my hands. I couldn’t move or this moment might shatter. I wanted him so much.
He reached over and traced his finger along my chin.
“There’s not a moment I haven’t regretted what I did,” he said.
“Which part?” I wasn’t sure if he was talking about Jake or us.
“All the parts. I’ve been haunted by Jake and then I thought I could use you to get absolution but that was wrong. I was wrong. You are so much more than that.”
He stroked my hair.
“I’m poor now,” he said. “How do you feel about dating a poor muso? I mean, I still have my cars and the club, I’m not exactly living on the street, and I have assets galore, mostly my face and body…”
“You idiot. Money is nothing.” My heart gave a thud. “Dating?”
“If that’s what you want. I can understand if you wanted nothing more to do with me. I’m not a good person. I’m probably the most horrible person you’ve ever met.”
“I’ve met your mother.”
“Point.”
His face was so close to mine now. If I poked out my tongue, I could lick him. Sweet Jesus, I should not think of licking him. Licking him would be bad.
Before I could totally humiliate myself though, his lips pressed against mine. My arms circled his n
eck. Our bodies crushed together. This was better than anything I’d imagined. It wasn’t about sex. Well, not completely. We were on the brink of something huge. So massive, my mind couldn’t comprehend it. And I wasn’t talking about Alex’s cock.
His hands toyed with my thigh, brushing against the sensitive skin, making me far too aware that I was only wearing my skimpy little sleep shorts. His fingers worked their way under the leg hem so that I gasped and raised my hips to him. This was it. Finally, Alex would fuck me and it’d be better than every single time I’d imagined him doing it.
I moved so that I straddled him. That way I could look into his eyes as he toyed with me. I brushed my lips against his but, downstairs, my hips were anything but gentle. His cock pressed hard against me and I rubbed myself on him, wanting him inside me.
He put his hands around my waist.