Bryn touched his arm. “We’d all understand if you stepped away.”
Emptiness attacked him. Wolves expected to mate, to sire cubs. Multiple children in a single birth. The fact that he faced never knowing that joy caused a burning pain in his belly. He wasn’t sure whether he could accept a future without children. Or what he’d say to Aoife.
“You’re welcome to stay with us tonight,” Bryn said softly, as though reading his mind.
But he couldn’t imagine being trapped inside walls. Not tonight. “I’m going for a run.”
Ethan pushed up from his seat. “I’m not through looking for a solution. We have friends in New Orleans who are still friendly with the court. They might be able to seek counsel.”
Feeling his jaw tighten, Sigurd gave a nod, but didn’t speak. With a last glance he left the dining room. Outside on Bryn’s porch, he stripped, dropping his clothing into a chair, and then shifted. With a leap, he shot toward the forest, not wanting to think, not daring to imagine Aoife alone in her bed. He’d clear his mind. Run himself into exhaustion then sleep. His strides lengthened. No, he couldn’t bear thinking about her and her haunted eyes as she’d been led away.
Aoife awoke just before dawn. Gray light filtered around the edges of the curtains. The color perfectly suited her mood. She rose and rifled through her closet for the grayest dress she owned, pulled it over her head, and then stood in front of the mirror.
My life will be as drab as this dress. She didn’t know why she even had it. Gray was only good as a foil for a more vibrant color. But she needed more. She wondered if any gray hydrangeas remained in the greenhouse.
Hydrangeas were good for removing hexes. Too bad there weren’t enough petals in the world to sprinkle around and remove the hex on her life.
The door creaked open behind her, and she watched in the mirror as Sigurd entered the room. Again, he was nude. Which meant he’d been running—no doubt to escape this situation. “I’m sorry,” she whispered. The moment she said the words, tears stung her eyes. She’d been selfish to let him think he’d ever had a chance.
Sweat coated his heaving chest. “I can’t turn it off.”
She wasn’t sure what he meant and waited as he stepped deeper into the room, willing herself not to react to his nakedness.
“I’m a wolf, Aoife.”
Feeling ill, she closed her eyes. She couldn’t expect him to betray his nature, to forfeit a future with children. No doubt he was worried about how she’d take this. At his heart, he cared for her and wouldn’t want to see her hurt. She had to be strong and somehow make this ending easier for him. She opened her eyes. “I understand,” she said, keeping her voice even. “I’m sure Ethan can find another guard.”
His eyebrows lowered. “Will you just shut up?”
She blinked, shock holding her still. With the exception of last night, which she understood—she’d broken the rules put in place for her own safety—he’d never been rude to her.
He raised a hand. “Let me speak.”
The texture of his voice was different. Low, but graveled. Almost rusty. Whatever he had to tell her wasn’t easy for him.
He’s going to tell me he’s moving on. Her breaths shortened. She’d never considered he’d change his mind. He’d been with her from the start. Hovering. Directing. Being bossy as hell, but she hadn’t minded, because she liked him being in charge. She’d taken an almost-sensual pleasure from his natural, wolfy dominance. I will not cry.
Sigurd cleared his throat. “I wish you’d told me. From the start.”
“I should hav—”
Again, he raised his hand. “You wasted so much time.”
Flowers. Tears pricked the backs of her eyes.
“I kept you on pedestal. Thought I wasn’t good enough to touch you. You were innocent, I told myself. Pure. If I’d followed my instincts, I felt like I’d…dirty you up.”
She began to tremble. This revelation was far worse than him simply saying he was out of here. She’d deeply disappointed him. Dropped right off that pedestal to smash into little pieces.
He stepped closer, and his features hardened. “Do you want any part of me?” he said, his voice going hoarse.
Don’t make me tell you the truth. Don’t take away my last protection.
“Aoife! Did you ever want me?”
Her face crumpled, and this time she couldn’t hide her anguish or her shivers.
He strode close and wrapped his arms around her.