It’s always best to be honest.
“What do you think about when you touch yourself?”
“That’s a very personal question, Aaron.”
“I know.”
He doesn’t apologize for it. He doesn’t back down. He just waits, patiently, and he lets me take my time. Perhaps that’s the reason I find the courage to tell him.
“Lots of different things. Sometimes I watch porn and I come to that. Sometimes I close my eyes and think about different experiences I’ve had.”
“Do you ever think about me?”
“All the time,” I say, and there’s no hesitation. If nothing else has surprised him tonight, that comment certainly does.
“Is that true?”
“Yes.”
“Then why haven’t you talked to me?” He asks. “If you’ve had a thing about me, then why haven’t you reached out? I haven’t exactly been hidden away or difficult to reach. I’ve kept in touch with your mom, after all. She knows exactly how to reach me. If you wanted to...”
“I know, and I don’t have a good explanation.”
“Do you have any explanation?” He asks, pushing me.
Again, he doesn’t sound irritated or mad. He just sounds curious, and maybe even a little sad.
“Aaron, you rejected me.”
He doesn’t say anything. He just looks at me, and the problem is that I know he’s sorry, and I know it wasn’t the right time. I know I caught him off-guard with that kiss. I know all of those things, but...
Oh, I still feel humiliated about it.
“I was so embarrassed,” I whisper. “It took so much for me to put myself out there and you...Aaron, that was my first kiss ever.”
He reaches for me before I can protest, and he pulls me into his lap. Then he grabs me and pulls me close. He wraps his arms around me tightly and starts stroking my hair, and somehow, the gesture is everything I’ve ever wanted. It’s perfect.
It feels like a scene out of a really sweet book.
The only thing missing is the hair pulling and the spanking.
Then again, I’m not exactly being bratty right now. I’m sort of just being sad and pathetic. Is that how he views me? Does Aaron pity me?
“I’m sorry that it wasn’t as special as it should have been,” he murmurs. “I wasn’t exactly boyfriend material back then, no matter how much I wanted to be.”
“It’s okay,” I tell him, closing my eyes. I allow him to touch me, playing with my hair and rubbing my back. I can practically hear his heart beating. “It was a long time ago.”
“Mallory,” Aaron says quietly, but in a way that makes me look up at him. “Will you let me try again?”
“What?”
“You deserve the perfect first kiss, sweetheart. Let me try again.”
Is he for real right now?
Is he actually asking permission to kiss me?
And am I actually thinking about making out with Aaron Winters in the middle of the fucking afternoon?