“I know it can’t happen,” I whisper to the ground and pluck a blade of grass from the dirt. “For twenty years I’ve been waiting to die, but someone … someone made me realize how important it is live again,” I admit to Annabeth, and even though it isn’t everything I need to say, it feels really fucking good. “She’s a bit younger than me.” I scratch my head, feeling a bit awkward. “And she’s got a lot of trauma to work through. Some bad shit happened, Annabeth, and I found her, rescued her, and my heart no longer drowns in sorrow when she’s around. At first, I thought maybe it was because she was a change of pace in life, but no, that isn’t it. She makes me want to do things that I haven’t wanted. I won’t get into details.” Like I’m going to admit I want to kiss another woman to my wife. “I think … I think she’s the promise, Annabeth. The one you made me promise you twenty years ago. She’s woken me up from the sleep I’ve been in. Her name is Jolie. She’s strong, like you, a bit more timid, but full of life once you give her a chance to open up.
“I want you to know, I love you. I’ll always love you, but I wanted to tell you that I’m moving on, like you wanted. I want to try to love her, if she’ll let me. She doesn’t know what love is anymore, and I don’t know if she’ll except it. For a long time I thought I didn’t know what love was anymore. I’d lose that feeling, but then I’d think of you, and I know how lucky I am to know what love is like so I can show her. Our paths were split in two, Annabeth. You were taken from me way too soon, and I was bitter for a very long time. I still don’t understand why it happened. The short time we had together was enough to shape the rest of my life. I’m hard to love, but not once did you find me difficult. You loved me anyway, and I want…” I inhale the mist and let it soak into my lungs. “I want her to love me anyway.”
A break in the sky opens for a split second, shining down on me and Annabeth’s grave. It’s warm, and there’s a hint of a rainbow forming. I’m not the spiritual kind of man, but maybe it’s a sign from Annabeth.
Maybe.
It isn’t long before the sun is gone, and the sky is molten with gray again.
“I want to love her too which means I have to let you go, the parts that I’ve held onto for so long. The anger, the resentment, the urge for blood, the need to kill the man who killed you. It’s been my fuel for the last twenty years, and I haven’t had a clue of who it was. It’s taken over my life. It became who I was. Jolie makes me realize that I don’t need to be that man anymore. Please, don’t hate me,” I admit one of my deepest fears. I know she’s dead, and I don’t know if she can hear me, but if she can, if she can see me somehow, I want her to understand. “I held on for so long, and I had planned to hold on to you until the day I died, even if you didn’t want me to. I’m going to try to love again, like you wanted. Do me a favor, give our little girl a hug and kiss for me. Tell her…” I squeeze my eyes shut and swallow the urge to cry. “Tell her Daddy loves her, okay? Will you do that for me?” I rest my forehead against the stone, and a tear falls from my eye and lands on the marble. “I love you too; don’t think that changes.” I kiss the headstone and stay leaning against it until I can gather enough strength to stand. This is a farewell to my heart, but not a goodbye. I’ll be back to visit her because she’ll never be forgotten.
“Owen.”
I turn around and see Jaxon standing there. He has his hands in his coat pockets, and his hair is whipping around his face.
“What are you doing here, Jaxon?” I say on a slight snarl. I wanted to be alone with Annabeth. “You followed me?”
“I was worried. I wanted to make sure you weren’t going out to do anything stupid. I’m sorry for intruding on your moment with your wife. I just wanted to make sure you were okay.”
“You’re a little late. Every day for the last twenty years I thought about doing something stupid, until I met Jolie. I came here to tell Annabeth. I know it’s stupid because it’s a damn rock—”
“Don’t downplay what you’re doing. I’m happy for you. I’m happy to see you move on. I can’t imagine how difficult that is.”
“It is. It was. I feel a lot better after getting it all off my chest. I don’t have to feel like I’m lying to Annabeth and not staying true to the promise I made her.”
“What promise was that?” Jaxon sits next to me, not caring that he’s going to ruin his expensive Italian pants. He leans his elbows on his knees as he stares at me with a pierced brow, which is new.
“You know, I told you. She was dying and she made me promise to love again.”
“Oh, yes. That’s right. I’m sorry. A lot has happened between now and that conversation. You weren’t going to keep that promise, were you?”
“No.” I chuckle. “She knew, I think. I never thought I’d meet someone who’d make me feel like Annabeth did. I can’t let that go because of fear, unless Jolie doesn’t feel the same, then maybe I’m screwed.”
“Well, I think she does. She isn’t too happy with you up and leaving like you did, without a reason. I think she feels a little abandoned.”
“I just want her to realize she wants me because I’m the person she saw first after a year and half of captivity.”
“I don’t think that’s the case. Heaven took off his shirt after you left. Strutted around like a damn peacock, and she didn’t give him the time of day, but when you’re in the room, she’s different. The tension, it’s gone.”
“I want to love her, Jaxon. I haven’t wanted that in a very long time.”
“Well, you can’t do it from here,” he says, standing. He holds out a hand, and I slap mine against his palm. He tugs me to my feet and drops his hand from mine, touching Annabeth’s headstone. “He’s a good man. I’m sorry for what happen to you, Annabeth, but we will take care of him. I promise.” He surprises me by bringing his fingers to his lips and then places them on the headstone. “I’ll go. I’m glad you’re okay,” he says, slapping me on the shoulder as he starts to walk away.
“Jaxon! I won’t be home for a few days. I need time.”
“You got it.” He waves.
“Time for what? I can hear you now, Annabeth. It isn’t time for me. It’s time for her. Officer Howard comes in a few days, and I’ll make sure I’m back for that.”
It’s hard to believe that was a three days ago. Now I’m standing outside Jolie’s door, begging her to let me in so I can explain. I didn’t mean to say she was a quitter; I don’t think that’s it at all. I think she’s letting her parents get off easy when they deserve a slow, painful death.
If they are behind this.
“Jolie? I’m sorry. You’re killing me. I hate hearing you cry.” I try the doorknob again, but it’s locked. I hate that it’s meant for me not to get in. “I didn’t leave you because I wanted to. I left because… I went to the cemetery. I had a few things to say to my wife. I should have told you, but I fucked up. I thought you having some space from me would be a good thing. And I didn’t mean to upset you by making it seem like you’re a quitter. I don’t think you are at all. You’re one of the strongest people I know.”
I hear a sniffle behind the door, and it sounds close; it’s on the other side instead of muffled by distance. The knob jiggles, and she cracks the door, showing her red eyes and swollen cheeks. “Are you okay? After seeing her?”
My arms bracket the doorway as I lean in and grin with disbelief. I glance down and shake my head. “Here I am, making you cry, and you want to check on me.” She’s unreal. “Open the door? Let me in?”