Cruel Intoxication (Underground Kings 4)

“I don’t know, Owen. What is it you could say?” He green eyes bore into me, glowing like neon green signs, asking for a truth to be set free.

“That I want to love y

ou if you give me the chance.”

Fifteen

Jolie

“What?” I couldn’t have heard what I think I heard. No way. My ears must be clogged from all the crying I’ve been doing.

“Can I come in?” Owen asks, and my eyes roam up his torso until I map his arms, noticing how they’re bulging in all the right places as he leans in.

I shouldn’t notice anything like that. I’m nowhere near ready to get naked with him or have sex, but maybe in the future, if I we ever get there.

I swing the door open and cross my arms over the middle of my body and walk away. “Sure, come in.” I make sure to maintain safe distance from him, but let’s be realistic, as long as he’s in the same room, distance doesn’t matter.

He makes me want to take a risk, a chance, and I can’t afford to do that right now. I’ve been barely breathing, and one look at him and my lungs expand to their fullest for the first time in eighteen months.

“Open or closed?” he asks about the door.

“Um, closed is fine.” I know he won’t do anything. That’s where I trust him. That silly little thing I didn’t think I’d be able to do for a very long time, yet he makes it easy.

The door clicks shut, and the room fills with his scent. It’s wild, which matches him since he loves to be in the woods so much.

“You don’t have to explain anything to me,” I say, glancing toward the floor. “It’s fine. You don’t owe me anything. We are friends. If you go, you go. I’ll be fine. I am fine.”

“I shouldn’t have left like I did, Jolie. I… I had a lot in my mind. I needed to go say goodbye to Annabeth.”

I snap my head up and stare at him, perplexed. “Why?”

His bare feet pat against the floorboards, and he kneels in front of me so we are eye level. Owen crosses his arms on his knee and reaches for my hand, then second guesses it as if he doesn’t want to push boundaries, but he thinks better of it and tries again. He takes my hand in his. Warm, welcoming, and the callouses are so gentle like they are every time. I shouldn’t be shocked by his kind caress, but I am.

“I wasn’t kidding when I said I wanted to love you, Jolie. You make me want to keep a promise I made a long time ago, and that’s what I went to the cemetery for, to tell her that I think I found a woman I want to open my heart up to. I wanted to come back, but I wanted to give you time without me. I don’t want to pressure you into anything. This is so new, fast, and with everything you’ve been through, I don’t want you to feel trapped. You aren’t. I want to make that very clear. You are in control here. With every decision, with me, with what you want to do in life. If you want to leave tomorrow, I can’t stop you. I want you to know where I stand. You’re more to me than a friend. You’re more to me than the woman I saved.” He brings my hands to his lips and kisses my knuckles. “You saved me, and I’m willing to do anything you want, Jolie.”

“I… I…” I don’t know what to say. I’m thrilled. I’m happy. This is what I want. The part of me that wants to take life by the balls and truly live is ready for everything he wants to give me. Then the dark part of me, the woman that’s been locked in a cabin and used, shakes her head and tells me to run and hide.

I don’t know which part to listen to.

“You don’t have to say anything. I know it’s a lot to process. I just wanted you to know that you’re the reason I’ve woken up,” he says, standing and letting go of my hand. “I’m leaving the ball in your court.” He waits for a moment to see if I have anything to say, but I don’t. I’m … scared. I’m hopeful.

I’m nervous.

What if he wants sex? I can’t. The thought petrifies me.

“Well, that’s all I wanted to say. That and I’m sorry for upsetting you. That’s never my intention.” He bends down and gives me a kiss on top of my head, lingering for a bit as if he doesn’t want to leave. “Whatever you decide, you have me no matter what.” Owen turns away and strides to the door, turning the knob to leave.

“Owen?”

Saying his name has him stopping, turning his defined jaw over his shoulder. “Yeah, Jolie?”

“If you’re looking for a sexual relationship right now, that’s something I can’t do yet, but I like you too.”

He inhales a sharp breath, and the slight pat of his feet stroll across the floor. “Yeah?”

“Yeah.” I nod, tucking a piece of hair behind my ear. “I don’t know what to do about it. I’m not ready for sex.”

“That’s okay. I’ll be ready when you’re ready,” he says, lifting my head up by pressing his fingers under my chin. “I’m a grown man, Jolie. Sex isn’t everything, especially when someone is as special as you. You have a lot of healing to do. I just want to be by your side as you do it.” His fingers are soft against my healing jaw, a feathered touch that I’ve never experienced. He goes to pull away, and I lay my hand flat against his, leaning my face into his palm.