Maybe I am.
I’m mad at the world, at the universe for doing this to me. I’m allowed to feel that, right? To have all these mixed up emotions bombarding me all at once?
“The doctor,” he repeats. “Let the doctor see you.”
“I don’t see why you care. I’m fine.”
“You are far from fine. You and I both know that and for a good reason. Health-wise, you need to make sure you don’t have any sexually transmitted diseases from him.”
“I don’t want to.” I don’t want to face more bad news. Mentally, I can’t handle what else that evil man has in store for me. I know Asher is right, but I’m not strong enough to face the truths yet.
“I know you don’t, baby, but the sooner, the better.” He lays his hand over his heart, and the white’s of his eyes turn red as he removes his palm from his chest and presses it over mine. Asher leaves enough space, so his skin isn’t touching mine, just air, but the gesture has a microscopic piece of my anger slipping away. “I’ll be here if you need me.”
“Yeah?” I sneer, preparing to shut the door. “Where were you for those six years when I needed you most?” I slam the door shut in his face, spin around, and slide down the smooth wood until my butt hits the floor. Bringing my legs to my chest, I wrap my arms around them and bury my face in my thighs, and cry.
I need to stop blaming the world. Asher, Jolie, Sebastian, the real person who deserves the blame is me.
If I wasn’t visiting Grace, if I was wearing something else, maybe a dress that wasn’t so snug, if I didn’t go alone, maybe none of this would have happened.
What goes around comes around, I suppose.
I did lie under oath, ruined a man’s life, and now I’m here, in his house, after the worst thing imaginable has happened to me.
If that isn’t karma, I don’t know what is.
Did I deserve this all along?
Three
Heaven
Staring at that closed door reminds me of a dream I had last night. Granted, it wasn’t a door I was looking at, but the closed iron bars of a prison cell. I press my forehead against the barrier between us.
Another damn barrier after so many years of being forced to be away from her, I have another one to charge through. I’ll do it. I’ll do it every time. I won’t stop now. I can’t now that she is here. Quitting would be pointless, especially now that she is here, but circumstances…
Fuck!
The circumstances are beyond climbing over.
How can I earn her trust after everything she has been through? It’s why I let her hit me. Hell, I know I shouldn’t, but I’d let her beat the fuck out of me if it made her feel better. I can’t imagine what kind of pain she’s been holding inside, and a lot of that does have to do with me because she testified against an innocent man, and I know in my gut that she knows that.
She’s lost.
I’m going to find her and bring her home.
A place she has belonged since I’ve known her since I was fourteen.
She’s more than a quick glance, a stammering conversation, a movie date; she’s the kind of woman a man spends forever with. I’m going to be that man. I have my work cut out for me, but I don’t care what it takes.
I’ll break.
I’ll bleed.
I’ll kill.
Whatever she wants me to do for her, I’ll do if it means this door is no longer between us.
“You have a lot of explaining to do, Heaven,” Sebastian says from my right, crossing his arms and legs as he leans his shoulder against the wall.