His tactics were horrifying, and they are nightmares I will never be able to forget.
“Hey, it’s me again,” Doctor Bradshaw knocks, and her voice is muted on the other side of the door. “I have the samples being tested now. By the end of the appointment, we should be able to have an update,” she closes the door behind her and stares at the medical chart, when she sees me in position, she brings the clipboard to her chest and realizes that I’m finally ready. She doesn’t say anything else, probably because she’s afraid I’ll change my mind.
She scurries over to the counter and pops on another pair of gloves.
The creak of the door sounds in the quiet and I turn my head to see Asher peeking his head in the door. I know he can’t see me, but I close my knees together so he can’t see me. “How’s everything going?”
“Mr. Haven, you’re going to have to wait outside, please. My patient does not want—”
“He’s okay,” I say, relieved to see him at all. I figured once I told him the truth, I’d never see him again.
The doctor doesn’t look convinced and watches him with every step he takes until he is at my bedside. He reaches out his hand to grab mine. Our fingers don’t lace together, but he takes my palm in his and lays his other hand on top, reminding me of a hand sandwich. “You doing okay?” he asks and I can hear the distance in his tone.
He is here though, that has to mean something, right?
I nod, squeezing his hand and shutting my eyes when I feel her hands against my thighs, checking out the deep grooves that monster left.
“These are healing nicely. I don’t think the scars will be bad. Faint and there, but not horrible.”
“That’s great news,” Asher says, stroking his thumb across my hand. “You’re doing great, Heather,” he whispers in my ear.
I notice he doesn’t call me baby either. I shouldn’t care because right now I have a doctor between my legs to make sure I’m healthy, but I do care. I want to hear the happiness in his voice again.
“Okay, you’re going to feel some pressure. I’m going to insert two finger and palpate your abdomen. Okay?”
“Shhh, it’s okay,” Asher croons and strokes a thumb over my cheek. “It will all be over so
on.”
I tense when her fingers slip inside me, and I bite the inside of my cheek to stop myself from begging her to stop. She isn’t him. She is here to help. I have to keep that in mind.
“Great. Everything feels normal.” She takes off her gloves and replaces them with new ones and grabs an instrument. I know what these are and even when I was normal, I hated getting a pap. “You’re going to feel so pressure, then a slight scrapping, okay?”
“I know,” I say.
She pushes the long, uncomfortable object inside me, and I tense immediately and shake my head. All I feel his him. “No, please, stop. Stop!” I scream and drop Heaven’s hand from mine to cover my face. The pressure leaves my cervix, and I can breathe again.
“Look at me, baby,” Asher takes my hands from my face and his blue eyes come to view. “You’re safe here,” he reminds me. “Nothing is going to happen to you. She needs to do this to make sure you’re okay. We have to know that. So look at me, okay? Watch me. Keep your eyes on me while she has to do what she has to.”
I take his hand in mine and he lets out a relieved breath. He glances over his shoulder and nods at the doctor, then brings his hands to my jaw. My nostrils flare when I feel the pressure again, but I’m looking directly into Asher’s eyes, which are so blue and so different than the brown I’ve been so used to for the last few months.
Another man is in my line of sight and the only thing I can focus on is how I finally understand why everyone here calls him Heaven. Asher’s beauty is from another world. Sure, he has big, beautiful lips, bright eyes that shine the color of the sky, and better hair than most girls, but it’s what’s inside him that has me entranced. He has this goodness about him, a purity that I never saw in him before, but as he is looking at me, keeping me focused, I know I’m the safest I will ever be.
“Okay, all done,” Doctor Bradshaw announces and slips the instrument free.
I let out a relieved breath and lean into Asher’s touch. “Thank you.”
“You’re welcome,” he says, instantly turning off the supportive friend and turning into the guy that is mad at me. Asher walks toward the door. “Come up the stairs when you are dressed. Breakfast is ready and there are a few updates when need to give you.” With that, he leaves, and a cold trail of ice follows him.
“Okay, I will leave you alone to get cleaned up. I’m going to stay and run the samples so you can have the results as soon as possible.”
“Thank you,” I say. “And I’m sorry, for being difficult.”
“Oh, dear, don’t ever apologize for that and don’t call yourself difficult. Healing and getting through a traumatic experience are only things difficult for you. Not anyone else. Okay?”
I tilt my lips in a sad smile. “Okay.” She drops the gown I’m wearing to cover me up and disposes of her gloves as she exits the room.
Plopping my head onto the table, I give myself a minute to get composed, then swing my legs over the side of the bed and stand.