“The Governor and his family make their first debut since his daughter was found, safe. He is giving his first speech this afternoon…”
I turn off the TV because seeing her makes me feel ill. She looks so different on TV, wearing a blue dress and freshly done makeup. Her hair is up in an elegant French twist and she looks exactly like the Heather I used to know, but her face said something else. She isn’t the same the woman as she was before the kidnapping happened. She looks like she can’t stand to be on stage.
I miss her.
Just the small amount of time I had with her was enough to reaffirm that the only woman I’ve ever loved was her.
I toss the remote on the bed and rub the ache in my chest. This time it is for a completely different reason. My wound has healed. My sternum aches every now and then, which is normal. Owen says it can be a year until I feel one hundred percent, but whatever, at least I’m alive. That’s all that matters, right?
Right.
“Hey, you about ready to go?” Jaxon opens the door to my bedroom and winces and plugs his nose. “Oh my god, when was the last time you cleaned your room?”
“Well dad, I’ve been going through some stuff and needed to clear my head.”
“Well, son…” he mocks me. “Clean your room, get in the damn shower, and be ready to go by two. We have a job.”
“I’m not going,” I say simply and plop back in the chair.
It would be the first job since I broke my leg. I have been out of the game for a while and I have no want or need to do a job right now.
?
?You’re going. That’s fucking final, Heaven. You’ve been moping around this damn room for far too fucking long. You understand me?”
“God, you aren’t my actual father. You don’t need to get high and mighty on me.”
“Then stop acting like a child. Put on your big boy pants and get ready to go do a job. We need you. It’s intel on Richard.”
“The mother fucker who broke my leg?” I sneer.
“To be fair, he broke your leg because we tried to get into the vault.”
“Well, if his vault wasn’t loaded with explosives, then my leg would have been fine,” I mumble the weak argument.
“Just be here. The team needs you. You’re the only one that can really get into tight spaces. You’re leaner than the rest of us.”
“I might be lean, but there is one thing on me that isn’t,” I joke, trying to lighten the mood.
Jaxon rolls his eyes and shuts the door, leaving me alone with my thoughts. My room is a wreck. There are takeout boxes from The Lighthouse Grill and empty cups. My sheets haven’t been washed either and when I lift my arm, I immediately put it back down because Jaxon is right.
I smell.
I can’t help the funk I’m in. I never knew how much I missed her until she was here, then she was gone, and my stubborn stupid ass didn’t even say goodbye. I knew if I did, I would have begged her to stay, but how fair is that?
It isn’t.
She deserved to go home with her parents. They are good people who searched high and low for their child. It wouldn’t be fair to keep her all to myself, even if that is all I really want to do.
Sighing, I gather the dirty clothes flung around my room and put them in the hamper, strip my bed, then spray Febreeze in the air because holy shit, it does reek in here. I crack the window in my room by spinning the handle and the glass swings open outside, allowing fresh salty air in. I haven’t even been outside.
Wow. I really am depressed.
I’m never depressed. Ever. I can’t even remember what it is like to feel that happiness that would want to burst out of me. It’s gone. My spark, the pilot light of heaven has disappeared. I inhale a lungful of fresh air before stepping into the bathroom, undressing, and hopping in the shower.
I stand there in the hot water for a few minutes, then run my hand over my hair to slick it over my skull. Water gets into my mouth and I spit it out, then fall against the wall, letting my hand catch me. I can barely hold myself up. How the hell am I going to do a job? I know it’s what I need to do. I need to push myself again.
How am I this man?