Dexter by Design (Dexter 4)

And all these years later, seeing the same look in Deborah’s eyes, I felt the same unhappy sense of helplessness wash over me. I could only gawk at her as she turned away and looked at the window once more.

“For Christ’s sake,” she said, without looking away from the window, “quit staring at me.”

Chutsky slid into a chair on the opposite side. “She is a little cranky lately,” he said.

“Fuck you,” she said without any real emphasis, tilting her head to look around Chutsky and keep her focus on the window.

“Listen, Deborah,” he said. “Dexter knows where this guy is that hurt you.” She still didn’t look, just blinked her eyes, twice. “Uh, and he was thinking that him and me might go get him actually. And we wanted to talk to you about it,” Chutsky said. “See how you feel about it.”

“How I feel,” she said with a flat and bitter voice, and then she turned to face us with a pain in her eyes that was so terrible even I could feel it. “Do you want to know what I really feel?” she said.

“Hey, it’s okay,” said Chutsky.

“They told me I was dead on the table,” she said. “I feel like I’m still dead. I feel like I don’t know who I am or why or anything and I just…” A tear rolled down her cheek and, again, it was very unsettling. “I feel like he cut out all of me that matters,” she said, “and I don’t know if I will ever get it back.” She looked back at the window again. “I feel like crying all the time, and that’s not me. I don’t cry, you know that, Dex. I don’t cry,” she repeated softly as another tear rolled down the track made by the first one.

“It’s okay,” Chutsky said again, even though it clearly wasn’t.

“I feel like everything I always thought is wrong now,” she went on. “And I don’t know if I can go back to being a cop if I feel like this.”

“You’re gonna feel better,” Chustky said. “It just takes time.”

“Go get him,” she said, and she looked at me with a little trace of her good old anger showing now. “Get him, Dexter,” she said. “And do what you have to do.” She held my gaze for a moment, then turned back to the window.

“Dad was right,” she said.

THIRTY

AND THAT IS HOW EARLY NEXT MORNING I FOUND MYSELF standing at a small building on the outer edge of the runway at Miami International, clutching a passport in the name of David Marcey, and wearing what can only be called a leisure suit, green, with bright yellow matching belt and shoes. And next to me stood my associate director at Baptist Brethren International Ministries, the Reverend Campbell Freeney, in an equally hideous outfit and a big smile that changed the shape of his face and even seemed to hide some of the scars.

I am not truly a clothing-oriented person, but I do have some basic standards of sartorial decency, and the outfits we were wearing crushed them utterly and spat them into the dust. I had protested, of course, but Reverend Kyle had told me there was no choice. “Gotta look the part, buddy,” he said, and he brushed a hand against his red sport coat. “This is Baptist missionary clothing.”

“Couldn’t we be Presbyterians?” I asked hopefully, but he shook his head.

“This is the pipeline I got,” he said, “and this is how we gotta do it. Unless you speak Hungarian?”

“Eva Gabor?” I said, but he shook his head.

“And don’t try to talk about Jesus all the time, they don’t do that,” he said. “Just smile a lot and be kind to everybody, and you’ll be fine.” He handed me another piece of paper, and said. “Here. This is your letter from Treasury to allow you to travel to Cuba for missionary work. Don’t lose it.”

He had been a fountain of a great deal more information in the few short hours between deciding he would take me to Havana and our dawn arrival at the airport, even remembering to tell me not to drink the water, which I thought was close to quaint.

I’d barely had time to tell Rita something almost plausible—that I had an emergency to take care of and not to worry, the uniformed cop would stay at her front door until I got back. And although she was quite smart enough to be puzzled by the idea of emergency forensics, she went along with it, reassured by the sight of the police cruiser parked in front of the house. Chutsky, too, had done his part, patting Rita on the shoulder and saying, “Don’t worry, we’ll take care of this for you.” Of course this confused her even more, since she had not requested any blood spatter work, and if she had, Chutsky would not have been involved. But overall, it seemed to give her the impression that somehow vital things were being done to make her safe and everything would soon be all right, so she gave me a hug with minimal tears, and Chutsky led me away to the car.

And so we stood there together in the small building at the airport waiting for the flight to Havana, and after a short spell we were out the door and onto the runway, clutching our phony papers and our real tickets and taking our fair share of elbows from the rest of the passengers as we all scuttled onto the plane.

The airplane was an old passenger jet. The seats were worn and not quite as clean as they could have been. Chutsky—I mean Reverend Freeney—took the aisle seat, but he was big enough that he still crowded me over against the window. It would be a tight fit all the way to Havana, tight enough that I would have to wait for him to go to the restroom before I could inhale. Still, it seemed a small price to pay for bringing the Word of the Lord to the godless communists. And after only a few minutes of holding my breath, the plane rattled and bumped down the runway and into the air, and we were on our way.

The flight was not long enough for me to suffer too much from oxygen deprivation, especially since Chutsky spent much of the time leaning into the aisle and talking to the flight attendant; in only about half an hour we were banking in over the green countryside of Cuba and thumping onto a runway that apparently used the same paving contractor as Miami International. Still, as far as I could tell, the wheels did not actually fall off, and we rolled along up to a beautiful modern airport terminal—and rolled right past it until we finally came to a halt next to a grim old structure that looked like the bus station for a prison camp.

We trooped down off the plane on a rolling stairway, and crossed the tarmac into the squat gray building, and the inside was not a great deal more welcoming. Some very serious-looking uniformed men with mustaches stood around inside clutching automatic weapons and glaring at everyone. As a bizarre contrast, several television sets hung down from the ceiling, all playing what seemed to be a Cuban sitcom, complete with a hysterical laugh track that made its U.S. counterpart sound bored. Every few minutes one of the actors would shout something I couldn’t decipher, and a blast of music would rise up over the laughter.

We stood in a line that moved slowly toward a booth. I could see nothing at all on the far side of the booth and for all I knew they could be sorting us into cattle cars to take us away to a gulag, but Chutsky didn’t seem terribly worried, so it would have been poor sportsmanship for me to complain.

The line inched ahead and soon, without saying a word to me, Chutsky stepped up to the window and shoved his passport in through a hole at the bottom. I could not see or hear what was said, but there were no wild shouts and no gunfire and after a moment he collected his papers and vanished on the far side of the booth and it was my turn.

Behind the thick glass sat a man who could have been the twin of the nearest gun-toting soldier. He took my passport without comment and opened it, looked inside, looked up at me, and then pushed it back to me without a word. I had expected some kind of interrogation—I suppose I’d thought he might rise up and smite me for being either a capitalist running dog, or possibly a paper tiger—and I was so startled at his complete lack of response that I stood there for a moment before the man behind the glass jerked his head at me to go, and I did, heading around a corner the way Chutsky had gone and into the baggage-claim area.

“Hey, buddy,” Chutsky said as I approached the spot he had staked out by the unmoving belt that would soon, I hoped, bring our bags out. “You weren’t scared, were you?”