Balance (Off Balance 1)

“Kova? How did you learn all of this?” I asked.

He peered down at me like it was common sense. “I learned most from my coach back in Russia. He was an extraordinary man and taught me well. I also took classes on it to further my comprehension. I wanted the upper hand when it came to coaching, and by applying both methods, I feel like I have that extra something the majority of coaches do not.”

A small smile tugged at my lips. He was cocky and I liked that. I liked how he wanted to be a step above other coaches. It’s what set them apart. We shifted to my other leg in the quiet room. The heat from Kova’s hand danced across my pelvis and my belly dipped in return when he clutched my leg.

“Did you always want to go to the Olympics?” I asked curiously.

He gave a blasé shrug. “That is a tough question. Gymnastics for me was an escape from the life I was born into.” A shadow formed in his eyes but it quickly disappeared before I could ask what he meant. “I looked forward to practice every day, but I never saw it as anything other than a hobby that would soon come to an end. My love for the sport definitely ran deeper compared to my teammates that is for sure. I was always trying to do more and I never cut on conditioning. I showed up early and I did not play

around. I was devoted. My coach saw something in me and he spoke with my mother. He devised a plan, much like how Madeline and I did for you, and we stuck to it.” He took a deep breath and angled my leg to the other side. “It was not until we changed my training and I had a new goal, that I realized just how much gymnastics meant to me, what security it brought me each exhausting day. It is why I went straight into coaching.”

Something shifted inside of me and my heart constricted. His fingers dug into my skin as he focused on what he was doing. I felt his words, felt his love for the sport filter the air around us. He spoke from his heart. It was overwhelmingly obvious and I relished it. I didn’t have friends who felt this way about sports the way I did, it was just fun and games to them. But watching Kova’s eye color change, and hearing his heartfelt words really struck a chord with me. Gymnastics wasn’t just a job for him, it was his lifeline. His salvation. And I respected him so much for it. I wanted to know more, like how it brought him security. I suddenly was very interested in my coach.

“In a way, you sound like me.”

His brows furrowed as he moved me into another position. I winced when I felt the pinch in my hips and the heat of my hamstrings stretch.

“What do you mean?” he asked.

“Like you, I used gymnastics as an escapism from my life, from my family. I don’t have a hard life, and I’m aware of how fortunate I am, but people don’t see what goes on behind closed doors that shape us. This may sound terrible of me to say, but I don’t look up to my mom as a role model. My dad, a little bit because of his drive, but not my mom. She wants me to be so much like her, but she’s everything I don’t aspire to be. I don’t want to be anything other than me. I’m a gymnast with a craving to take it to the next level. So I decided the only way I could make that happen was to put every waking minute I could into the sport. When I think of gymnastics, I have peace of mind. I see me, and I think that’s the most important thing as a person. To be who you want, not how others want you to be. It was how I decided I wanted to go all the way.” I paused at the strained look in his eyes. “I’m sorry for rambling.”

Kova’s eyes tightened at the corners and his forehead scrunched together. He lessened the pressure on my legs but his hands stayed in place. I exhaled lightly. His voice dropped low, but the sincerity in his eyes showed strong when he said, “Even at a young age, taking the road I was offered was eventually a choice my mom left up to me. She did not push me, but coming from someone who has been down that path, listen to me when I say it is not easy at all. It is extremely hard. It was so much more than what I expected. Adrianna, I do not think you have any idea what training for the Olympics entails, or what you have to give up. I lost out on school dances, parties, hanging out with friends, everything a young adult is supposed to do and have a memory of. I missed out on my adolescent years. Maybe your mother does not want you to miss out on that. Yes, it was my choice, and I would not change a thing, but you really have to decide if it is something you want.”

I didn’t hesitate. “I want it more than anything.”

“But why?” he asked, curiously. “What is the driving force?”

“Isn’t it obvious? I just told you I love gymnastics and what it means to me.”

He scoffed and it annoyed me. “A lot of people love the sport, it does not mean they give up everything and make a career out of it. So few make it that far. You can compete in college and still have a life. Collegiate gymnasts are only allowed to practice half the hours of what you are doing now.”

My brows furrowed and my heart began to speed up. I didn’t like the direction this conversation was going in. “I feel like you’re against me.”

Kova pulled back, his nose flared. “I am not against you, I just want you to be aware of what is required of you. What you stand to lose. I am telling you what your other options are.”

“I’m not going to lose anything, Kova, I’m going to gain. I don’t need dances or parties, I need to be in the gym. If I don’t take a shot at my dream, I’ll live with regret, what-if questions that will plague me for the rest of my life. I need to try and see if I can do it. I have all the means to succeed at my fingertips to accomplish what I want.” My voice rose and I became heated. I sat up and pulled my shoulders back, his palm rested high on my thigh. “I don’t know what kind of life you were born into, but others would kill for mine. I’m going to use it to my advantage,” I said firmly. “I want this. I want to be elite. I want to make the National Team, and one day, I want to go to the Olympics. I thought by coming here and telling you my aspirations you’d understand.”

Kova’s posture became rigid, his fingers pressed into my skin. I was pushing his buttons.

“I understand more so than any coach here,” he retorted.

“Then what’s the problem? Isn’t this what every coach wants to hear?”

We faced off in a battle of wills, both of us determined to make the other one understand. Thing was, I was stubborn and hardheaded. There was no way I was going to back down. Then again, I didn’t think he would either.

I placed my hand on his forearm, hoping he’d understand how strongly I felt about this. He flexed under my touch and his grip tightened, but his eyes didn’t waver and he didn’t pull away. His palm warmed my skin and my cheeks flushed from the reaction.

“You’re either with me or you’re against me, Kova,” I nearly pleaded, just inches from his face.

Silence thickened between us. Kova’s jaw flexed and he looked straight at me. “I will be completely honest, no other gymnast I have trained has wanted it as badly as you do. It is rare. You have no idea how refreshing this is to hear.” He sighed heavily, his green eyes burned with newfound desire, and I liked it. Being this close to him and having this conversation caused my heart to patter against my ribs.

“If this is what you want, what you truly want, I will do my best to help get you there. But you need to have a good understanding there is a chance you still will not make it all the way. There will be many obstacles in your quest that could eventually halt you instead of finding ways to overcome them. Are you ready for that?”

I absorbed his words deep into my soul and took in the compassion in his eyes. My pulse was racing. A small smile tipped my lips, one I had to refrain from splitting across my face.

“Do you mean that?”

He nodded slowly. The side of his mouth tugged up in challenge. “If that is what you want, but there is no going back once you decide. It is not fair to me, or you.”