No, it’s not. “Well, it can’t be much worse than the diet my mom has imposed on me, so I’m sure I’d be fine.” I paused. “Who has he been like that with?”
“Reagan and a few others who aren’t here anymore.”
My jaw dropped. “You’re kidding.”
He shook his head. “I wish I was.”
“But Reagan’s so good.”
“Now she’s his golden gymnast. He only had to build her to his level of perfection.” He looked at me with raised brows. “And so were the others. Some went on to compete at Division One colleges, some even went to the Karolyi camp in Texas. I’m telling you, he’s a mean bastard, but he gets results. Don’t give up or take it to heart.”
I exhaled, releasing an envious breath over this news of Reagan. He knew my mom had me on a diet where my meals were delivered, so maybe I was already at that level since there was nothing left for him to do.
Feeling the vodka course through my veins just a little bit, I said, “Let’s get this over with.”
Hayden and I walked to my bathroom. He flipped on the lights and placed everything on the counter, pulling out the pumice stone, needles, a lighter, and hydrogen peroxide. I groaned when he sterilized the needle and wanted to cry at the sight of the brown bottle.
He filled the sink up with warm water and I soaked my hands for a few minutes to soften them up. Aside from the rips, I also had calluses on the backs of my fingers and middle of my palms, which were now raised and white, easy to find due to soaking.
Hayden took one of my hands into his and looked into my eyes before snipping the dead skin away. Then he took a dull butter knife, placed it at a ninety degree angle, and very gently shaved off the calluses. Little white flakes pooled in my palms. This part hadn’t hurt, but my heart began to throb and panic battered through me. I didn’t want to do the next step. My knees trembled and I thought I’d be sick. With the fear so high, maybe another shot of vodka would’ve helped.
“I don’t want to hurt you, Adrianna.”
I nodded and stepped closer to him. With the pumice stone in one hand, he held it above my palm and gripped my wrist tight so I couldn’t pull away.
“I’m just going to file down the calluses and scrub around the rips.” Tight lipped, I nodded. “Close your eyes.”
The moment the stone hit my hand, my fingers retracted and curled up. Hayden forcefully held my hand open. He scrubbed each finger, filing down the calluses and then feeling for smoothness. It didn’t hurt, but it didn’t feel good either. Moving on to my palm, he used the stone for the rough skin around my rips. He accidently nicked a corner, apologizing profusely. I gripped Hayden’s arm with my other hand, my nails dug into him as I gasped loudly, and my eyes squeezed shut as he began to scrub.
The pain.
The throbbing, pulsing, pain.
Heat seared my palm and went straight through my skin, hitting muscles and nerves as it radiated out the back of my hand, only to repeat, continuing on an endless loop. He was cautious not to hit an open rip, he knew better, but he did a few times.
Hayden scrubbed back and forth, pressing down so roughly I thought he would hit my bones. I instantly became nauseous and worried I’d throw up. I tried to focus on the scent of Hayden’s cologne. The beach. Avery. Nothing helped. It hurt so much!
“Oh my God! Please stop for a minute!” I shouted and he jumped. Opening my eyes, my stark white bathroom sink had crimson water running toward the drain and blood splatter that speckled the sides. With Hayden pressing down, blood automatically pushed through my rips. I couldn’t see my palm, blood completely coated my hand.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to scream in your ear,” I panted.
“It’s okay. I’m just sorry I have to do this to you.”
I swallowed hard, shaking with a pain so unbearable I couldn’t find words. This was agony. Teardrops rested on my eyelids, but I refused to let them fall. After this, I’d make damn sure to never grip the bar wrong again.
“Here,” Hayden said, seeing my eyes. “Try this. Stand behind me, wrap your other arm around my waist and squeeze me when it gets bad.”
I nodded and did as he suggested. If I wasn’t so consumed by pain, I would’ve noticed how nice it was to be pressed against his backside, or how well our bodies fit together.
My arm went around his stomach and I held him lightly, leaning my head against his back. Taking a deep breath, I exhaled. Maybe if I focused on his body, it wouldn’t be as bad.
Who was I kidding? When he picked back up, I pressed into Hayden so hard, I felt his feet shift from my weight. I squeezed, holding him to me while I dug my head between his shoulder blades. I used every ounce of strength I had and held on for dear life. I didn’t care that my boobs smashed into his back, or how my hips rolled against his ass and molded to him in a bit of a sexual way. The shots of pain were so awful, I bit him. I rose up on my toes and sank my teeth into his bicep. In some odd way, it helped.
“Almost done with this hand,” he said over the running water, ignoring my bite. I leaned into him when he placed my hand under the warm water, removing the blood and feeling for the dead skin. Unconsciously, I squeezed him tighter, ringing his shirt in my fist, using him for strength because I knew what came next.
Hydrogen peroxide.
When I heard the cap flip, I gripped Hayden’s stomach so hard I felt him flinch under me. I didn’t mean to hurt him, but I didn’t think I’d make it much longer before I passed out.