I knew I needed to stay focused on my training, but I couldn’t help wonder what he was thinking about, if he was thinking about the night before at all. It was almost as if I wasn’t even there. I hated the feeling, like I was invisible and I didn’t matter.
I sighed inwardly.
Stepping into the bathroom, I locked the door and stripped out of my leo. This was the one part of gymnastics I detested—being sweaty and having to remove the one piece. It was like peeling off soaking wet, skinny jeans.
Taking a deep breath, I closed my eyes and prayed I could pee without it hurting. I bared down, tightened my insides and only let a trickle out…and paused. Releasing an audible sigh, I let go again only to feel the burning sensation come back full force. My hand slammed against the wall and I leaned against it for support. But I didn’t let it all out. It just wasn’t achievable. The urine burned the shit out of me!
That was it, all I could manage. I carefully wiped, pulled up my leo and washed my hands. I had one more hour until I broke for lunch and tutoring, then it was back to training for four more hours. After therapy when I got home, I’d soak in the bath.
I had this. I just needed to give myself a pep talk first.
Walking back into the gym, I immediately scanned for Kova. It was more out of habit and addiction than a conscious thought. I craved his glaring eyes and fierce words. They drove me to be better, stronger. To prove myself.
When we finally locked eyes, he didn’t break my gaze. His posture was strict, his arms firmly crossed against his taut chest. I walked blindly, unable to focus on my surroundings. He tried to tell me something with his eyes, but I wasn’t sure what. All I knew was he was staring like he
couldn’t stand the sight of me and it hurt.
“Watch out!”
I flinched and put my hands up, ducking.
“Jesus, Big Red. We all know Coach Kova is hot, but pay attention. Don’t make it so obvious you’re gawking at him. God…”
I closed my eyes and counted to five. Reagan and her stupid redhead comments. I would’ve corrected her, but I wasn’t in the mood. I nearly walked into her dismount, which could’ve seriously hurt both of us. But she was right, I needed to pay attention.
I didn’t apologize, I just ignored her and headed back to vault while she continued on beam.
“You okay?” Hayden asked, concerned. His observant eyes made me edgy.
Or maybe I was just being paranoid.
Nodding, I smiled sweetly and put on a happy face. “Yeah, I’m just exhausted.”
Grabbing some chalk for the vault, I rubbed some on my feet, adding a little to my thighs when Hayden walked away. I clapped my hands to remove the excess powder and could taste it in my mouth.
I moved to stand behind the white line and took a deep breath when Kova turned to look at me. He nodded his head, gesturing for me to go. Madeline clapped her hands and yelled, “Get moving, Adrianna. I don’t have all day!”
Rising up on my tiptoes, I leaned forward and took off running. I pumped my legs as fast as I could and only focused on the vault. My calf hurt just a bit, but I blocked it out. Everything else faded away and I forgot all the issues in my life as I zoomed in on the apparatus and felt the adrenaline hit me hard.
God, I loved this feeling. My racing heart, burning muscles. The anticipation.
Zoning in on only the springboard, I did a round-off onto it and arched into a back handspring. I popped my shoulders off the vault into a two and a half twist to complete an Amanar. I took a few steps back on my landing and fell.
Fuck my life.
Adding the half twist created a blind landing, so there was no spotting the floor. I had to wish on a prayer I would land it correctly. I could practice it a million and one times, land it at every practice, but it only took a split second where I didn’t crank high enough, or my legs were bent, my chest was too low, anything to not land it at competition.
In gymnastics, anything was possible. And considering I was working on the hardest vault for women, that should say something.
Standing up, I heard Madeline sigh loudly. “I’m trying, I really am,” I broke in before she could say anything.
She looked at me with pity. “I know you are. Let’s do it again.”
“Adrianna. Keep your legs straight in the flight, chest up,” Kova chimed in, looking at me intently.
“He’s right,” Madeline acknowledged. “Your legs are sloppy and bent. I noticed your feet were crossed too, which is a big no, Adrianna. Try and set your twist just a tad higher. You need something that will give you points and move you up in the standings, not set you back.”
I nodded.