I tried to suppress the grin that formed across my lips, but it was useless. Hayden was adorable and charming. His dirty blonde hair had a perfect bed head look and he glowed with charisma. I couldn’t help but want to be around him.
“You’re such a dork. I know how to say thank you,” I said, taking a bite of my boring lettuce wrap. “Thank you.” Hayden smiled and pushed a small, peachy looking smoothie in front of me. My eyes met his.
“This was part of the special of the day. No carbs—relax. It’s organic vegetables and fruit only. I watched her make it. You’re allowed to have this.”
“There’s carbs in fruit and veggies.” He just stared at me so I continued. “There was no fruit juice added to make it?” I worried about the amount of sugar in this drink. It looked incredibly good, but I had to be careful and not over indulge.
“She used coconut water. It’s all natural so you’re safe.”
I smiled at Hayden, appreciating his thoughtfulness. He was making an effort by watching out for me.
Picking it up, I sipped the frothy concoction and swallowed. My eyes lit up as the icy drink hit my tongue and I took another sip, this time a larger one.
“Wow! This really is good. Here,” I handed it to him. “Try it.” Hayden swallowed and grinned, sipping the drink.
“I get the smoothies here a lot, but this was a new one they had today.”
“It’s really good. I can see why you get it.”
After a couple of minutes of eating our lunch in silence, I drank about half of the smoothie and handed the rest to Hayden. “Take it. I’m full from my wrap and this, I can’t finish the rest,” I lied. I could finish it, and I wanted to, but watching my weight was more important.
Hayden finished with his giant sandwich and chips. He was lucky he could pretty much eat anything. I’d give anything to just eat whatever I wanted. Most of the guys’ team could. Being full while at the gym was uncomfortable and I’d rather be a little hungry.
At least it’s what I told myself.
Hayden squinted his eyes, and reluctantly took my drink and finished it. “You’re lying.”
“Fine! I’m lying!” I caved. “Truth is, I’m stressed about gym, so I don’t really have an appetite.” I bit my lip and then said, “Honestly, sometimes I question myself and why I ever came here. Maybe I’m not cut out for this. ”
Hayden tilted his head to the side, studying me. “We all have days like this, Aid. Tomorrow won’t be as bad. You’re still somewhat new so you’re still transitioning into this lifestyle. ”
“I’m not new, I’ve been here for like, a million months now.”
“I’ve been part of World Cup for years. I was overwhelmed and almost walked out a few times once I transitioned to elite. The training is way more rigorous, the hours are long. It’s draining on so many levels that sometimes I wondered what I got myself into. But at the same time, I couldn’t imagine not doing gymnastics. It’s in my blood, just like it’s in yours. Even when you have days where you hate it and want to walk out, you know you can’t. Some days you compare yourself to your teammates and feel inadequate. You’re not. You’re just having an off day. Some days are really lonely too. It’s the hardest when you go home and have no parents or friends to turn to. I have my sister and she understands this life, but that’s different.” Hayden paused and looked at his hands, thinking about what to say next. “You love the sport too much to give up. And you know you never will. It’s just not possible, so you deal with the loneliness, you deal with the bad days, and you truck on.”
I swallowed back the lump in my throat. “You’re right. You’re so right on everything you said.” Tears were brimming the back of my eyes. I didn’t want to cry, but I had so much on my plate and I felt them ready to spill over at any second. I was bottling it all up and I hadn’t realized how lonely I was until that moment. Hayden noticed my change. He grabbed our trash, threw it out, and then took my hand and we walked out to his car.
I didn’t say anything about the hand holding, because truthfully, it felt nice. I even leaned into his arm and held on to him. Even though he was only a little older than me, he gave me security in his touch and I soaked it up. He was my comfort, my shoulder to lean on. My heart softened a little for Hayden and I gave him a gentle squeeze.
Hayden pulled open the passenger side door, but before I could climb in, he pulled me into a bear hug. I automatically wrapped my arms around him and buried my head into the crook of his neck, closing my eyes.
“Don’t stress about earlier. It’s over with,” he spoke against my cheek. “Focus on the future.”
I nodded, unable to form words. “I’m not sure what I’d do without you, Hayden.”
I was being emotional and I hated it. I didn’t deal well with emotions, kudos to my mother. These feelings were foreign and unwelcomed and I wanted them gone. All they did was remind me just how human I really was.
Hayden held on to me, rubbing my arms and giving me strength. I hugged him a little tighter, taking everything he offered. “I’m always here for you.”
“Thank you.” Taking a chance, I asked with a shaky voice, “Do you think you’d want to come over tonight after gym? You know, just to hang out? I could use the company.”
Pulling back, Hayden looked down at me. His face was soft and his eyes warm. “Sure. I’d love to.” He smiled genuinely, then pressed a kiss to my forehead. “We can even watch Mean Girls if you want.”
My stomach curled with anticipation. I needed to put my game face on and focus. I was here to train, not worry about what my coach thought about me or how bitchy the girls were.
I climbed into the car, my head flopping back against the leather headrest. I took a deep breath and turned to Hayden. “I got this.”
I knew there was something wrong the moment I woke up—two hours early and in complete agony. Pain tore through my lower belly as a fire ripped through me like an inferno that couldn’t be doused. But it didn’t just stop there. It went up my side and wrapped around. My back throbbed as if a heavy metal drummer was using my body as practice, the pounding was nonstop.