Execution (Off Balance 2)

I didn't know how to respond to that.

"Just give me a few minutes, Kova." I yanked my arm away and pushed at his chest. "I'll be right back."

Kova grabbed my wrist. "Stop. Listen to me."

I shook my head. "Please, just let me be for a sec and I'll be fine."

"Adrianna."

"Kova! Just leave me alone!" I screamed.

But he didn’t. Kova pulled me to his chest and I immediately fought against him.

"Get it out," he said. I shoved at him and cried harder, giving him everything I could. I hated that he was doing this to me and appreciated it at the same time. "Fight harder, hit me if you have to, just get it out." I struggled between crying and shoving, but Kova didn’t let go, and something in me cracked.

My efforts slowed, and I covered my face and let the tears flow. I poured everything out against his chest. Everything I held in over the past year. From my mom and her backhanded compliments, to the rigorous training I demanded of my body, to the illicit affair I had with my coach. I cried over everything, and he let me.

"Shhh…just let it out," Kova said, rubbing soothing circles on my back. "It is okay."

When my cries and hiccups subsided, I sniffled and expelled a huge breath. I felt like a burden had been lifted from my shoulders and I could breathe again.

Stepping back, Kova tried to lift my chin, but I kept my gaze cemented to the floor. I was too embarrassed. I didn't like crying to begin with, and I sure as shit didn't want to show him my tears. Tears showed weakness, and I wasn't weak.

He tried to lift my chin again, and when I didn’t budge, he sighed and got down on one knee so he was eye level with me.

"Jerk." A sad chuckle escaped my lips. "You always find a way to get what you want."

He cupped the side of my face and wiped away a few tears. He was sweet, but concerned, and I appreciated it.

"Stop crying. She is not worth your tears."

"I'm not crying because I'm sad, Kova."

"I know you are not."

I swallowed. "How do you know?"

"I spend more time with you than she does. You think I do not know you by now?" he asked and stared at me. "I know more about you than you think." One corner of his mouth pulled up. "I watch the way you walk, the way you talk, how hard you work, your dedication with anything you set out to do." His eyes softened as he continued. "I know the intonation of your voice lifts during certain topics you are passionate about. Your eyes lighten or darken depending on your mood. You do not even need to speak for me to feel your emotions. You have so much compassion inside. I see it. I see you, Adrianna."

The honesty in his green eyes suffocated me. I took in everything he said and clung to his words. I held on to them as they breathed life into me.

He saw me.

Not just as a coach looking to polish the flaws of his athlete, or in a carnal way full of sexual desire. He saw me on an entirely different personal level. He cared about me and wanted to see me flourish. He paid attention to me and my needs, both on the mat and off. He didn’t look over me.

"I was going to ask how things were with your mother since New Year’s, but I guess I do not need to now."

"You know what my mom used to say if I cried?" I asked. He shook his head. "Crying gives you wrinkles. I wasn't allowed to cry, at least not in her presence."

Kova brushed back a few strands of hair that had fallen from my ponytail. "While I am unsure about that theory, I would rather you not cry at all simply because I cannot do anything to help you. No man knows what to do when a woman is crying. We are useless creatures when that happens." I sniffled, and clenched my eyes shut to hold back the tears. "Use your anger and frustration to fuel you, Ria. Make it your energy. Do not let her bring you down, you are better than that. Make her eat her words." He paused, and then quietly said, "Prove it. Prove her wrong and do not let her win."

I desperately wanted to hug him. I needed it.

"You love saying that, don't you?"

He shrugged, his face softening along with his eyes. "It packs a punch, yes?"

I sighed. "I suppose so."