"Where is she now?"
"Upstairs," Dad replied with annoyance. "I'm sorry—"
I cleared my throat. "No, my biological mom. Where is she now?"
His silence unnerved me. "It doesn't matter where she is."
"Yes, it does. It matters to me, Dad. I want to know."
He idled into his next string of words while I sat in a daze and stared at the ivory carpet. "I'm not sure where she is now. Probably long gone. I haven't spoken to her in some time."
I wasn't sure why that affected me so much when I had no real tie to her, but it did. I couldn't fathom how a woman could carry a baby in her belly for nine months and then give it up without batting an eye. I didn't think I would be able to. But then again, when a stressful situation arose, emotions ran amok, and people did things in haste because they thought they had no other option, only for it to end with regret later. I was so curious about her and I'd only just found out. I had to wonder if she had thought about me for the last sixteen years.
Dad cleared his throat. "Much to Joy's dismay, your biological mother stayed in contact for a little while after you were born. I allowed it."
"Why?"
"It was difficult for her and I felt bad. She was young, and had no one to turn to, so I gave her updates and sent photos so she could see you." He paused. "It was hard to let her go."
Tears lodged in my throat. My chest ached with heavy sadness for everyone involved. "And how did she manage to stay away for good?"
"What do you think, Ana? You're a smart girl."
I knew instantly. "Money." I shook my head. The love of money was the root of all evil and I hated it.
"How much was I worth to her?" I gripped the phone tight in my hand, waiting for his response.
"That's not something you need to know—or will ever know."
"Dad, I want to know."
"Ana, just know that I would've paid any amount for you. She couldn't give you a future on her own, not even if I gave her child support every month. She wasn't equipped mentally or financially to handle a newborn at that time, let alone emotionally."
"How do you know she wasn't able to handle a newborn? You didn't even give her the chance."
"Adrianna, what's done is done. You are priceless to me. I would do anything for you. Anything. I would've gone to the ends of the earth to protect and shelter you the way you deserved to be. She was a mess and I wasn't going to risk it."
"She was probably a mess because you took her baby from her. I bet her hormones were all out of whack."
"Adrianna, please…"
"I'm sure Joy didn't make it any better on her either. She probably saw her as competition."
His groan turned into a deep sigh. "She definitely didn't help the situation, aside from playing the role she begged for. She could've won an Academy Award."
Salty tears slipped from the corners of my eyes. I held my breath and covered my mouth so Dad wouldn't hear my silent cry. I asked for the reasoning and he gave me what I wanted. He loved me, I knew he did, but it still hurt so terribly bad to hear the truth.
"Thanks for telling me, Dad," I said, my voice was throaty and small. There was no denying how upset I was. "What's her name?"
He softly groaned, and I knew he regretted telling me anything. "Don't cry, sweetheart," he said with so much sympathy it hurt to hear his pain.
"It's just a lot to take in." I was still unsure why Mom…Joy—What the hell was I supposed to call her now?—turned on me the way she had, but after today, I wasn't ready to breach that topic just yet.
"That it is, and exactly why I wanted to wait until you were older. You have a lot on your plate right now."
I swallowed. "I can handle it."
"I know you can, you’re a strong girl, but I'd rather try and shield you from as much as I can for as long as possible."