"I'm so stupid." Tears streamed from the corners of my eyes and my temples pounded viciously. "I knew better."
I’d been so naïve to think what we had actually meant something to a man like Kova. For him to go and marry Katja was soul-destroying. And even worse, he’d kept it a secret for months and made love to me while he had a wife. How he lived with himself after the way he treated someone he supposedly cared about was astonishing. I truly had no words.
I felt used, dirty…disgusting.
We are a team—I exhale, you inhale. He was the air I breathed, and ultimately what suffocated me.
The heartbreaking truth was, when it came to Kova, I’d always been an afterthought for him, second to his precious Katja. He didn't want me, had never wanted me. He’d picked her. He’d married her.
"You can't keep putting yourself through this," Hayden said softly.
"I know." My head spun faster than a rollercoaster, unprepared for the onslaught of emotions. I was too cold and numb, and breaking inside. "You're right."
"What happened this time?" Hayden brushed back the hair stuck to the side of my damp face. The thought of telling him left a sour taste in my mouth.
"Just take me home, please."
I couldn't keep allowing that man to wreak havoc in my world. My heart ached in ways I didn’t even know was possible. Actions spoke louder than words, and while Kova was a clusterfuck of contradictions, his last action spoke loud and clear.
A secret marriage was the ultimate betrayal.
I wasn't sure when or how—everything was a blur—but Hayden put me in his car and drove us back to my condo. I’d changed out of my leo, and we went to my room. He hadn't pushed me for answers, but he wasn't oblivious either. He knew why I was so distraught. We’d been down this road before.
"Aid, say something. You're scaring me. You haven't spoken since we left the gym."
"I don't know what to say."
Hayden shook his head, disbelief crossing his face. Deep creases lined his forehead and his nostrils flared, proof that he knew the underlying cause of my pain. Still, he said nothing while I stood there in a daze. I knew he was disappointed, and he should be. I let this happen again when I’d promised I wouldn't.
My jaw ached from grinding my teeth. I was sure if my mom saw me now, she'd tell me I was worthless, and ask me why a man of wealth and stature like Kova would want a sixteen-year-old whore over a beautiful bombshell he could proudly show off on his arm.
My mom. I couldn't even let out a sarcastic huff. That was a whole other story. Joy. I would call the woman who raised me Joy from now on.
Hayden brushed a few strands of loose hair behind my ear and wiped the fresh tears from my cheek before placing a kiss to my forehead. My eyes rolled shut, heavy with exhaustion and the weight of the day. I sighed, pressing my body closer to his, and he responded immediately. I needed to feel. I didn't like this emptiness, this hole, this huge void in my chest that Kova had created.
"It kills me to see you like this." Hayden pressed his hand to my lower back and held me closer. He groaned in the back of his throat, and I felt the deep, gravely vibration in his chest on the side of my face. "Tell me what I can do to make it better for you. I'll do anything you need, just tell me."
He was hurting for me. Where Hayden warmed my soul with his presence, Kova darkened it with his passion. Light versus dark. Good versus evil. The contrast always existed between them. Hayden was selfless, soft-hearted, an all-around good guy. Kova, however, took, and took, and took, leaving me shattered and broken. Vacant.
An agonized tear slipped from my eye as I remained silent. Hayden took matters into his own hands and carried me out of my bedroom to sit us down on the couch. He may not be as big as Kova, but he wasn't average in the least. I felt small but safe in his arms, and I needed that.
Adjusting my legs to the sides of his hips, I dropped my head into the curve of his neck and sat there until I was ready to speak. I breathed him in, absorbing everything he had to offer. He moved my hair to lay over my shoulder and his hands stroked my back soothingly. I molded myself into his heated body and finally took my first deep breath since coming home from the gym.
"Did you know?" I asked.
"Know what?"
"That Kova is married."
Hayden froze long enough for me to pull back to look at him.
"Hayden?" My heart raced as I stared at him, waiting for an answer that wouldn’t blindside me.
Oh, God. He’d known?
I tried to stand, but his hold on my hips prevented me from moving.
"What the hell are you talking about?” The heat from his fingers passed through the layers of our clothes. "Kova isn't married."