"I'm not," I said. "I mean it."
Wrapping my legs around his back, I locked my ankles together and tugged him closer. A soft moan sounded from the back of my throat. I pulled on his bottom lip with my teeth and he grinned. He broke the kiss and I instantly reached for him, but he pushed my hand away and quickly removed my shirt, dropping it to the floor where his was.
I watched his expression, his eyes widening while he took in the sight of me. It was almost as if he had never seen breasts before in his life. His heady gaze made me feel wanted. Kova had freed something inside me and made me feel comfortable in my skin, making it easy for me to let Hayden get his fill. My nipples hardened to tight little buds and I could see his erection straining against his shorts. He leaned in and I drew in a breath as he roughly cupped my breast and took a nipple into his mouth, sucking it hard.
A long moan escaped my parted lips and I leaned back on my elbows, not expecting the tingle between my thighs. Even though I'd asked for this, in the back of my mind I couldn't believe I was letting him. But as quickly as he’d started, he stopped.
"I can't do this up here, it's just not physically possible."
I thought back to when Kova fucked me up against the wall just a few feet from where we stood with no issue, but I didn't mention it. For obvious reasons, of course.
Within seconds, Hayden had lifted me into his arms and carried me to the living room. I had one of those oversized couches wide enough to sleep on comfortably. He laid me down, my legs spreading willingly for him. For a split second my stomach tightened, and I felt myself slipping.
Forehead creased, he hesitated. "What's wrong?"
I shook my head. "Nothing," I lied through a forced smile. I wanted this, but something felt off until he grinned, and his boyish face hit me smack in the chest. I softened beneath him, letting everything go.
I gripped the elastic of his shorts and pushed them down, and he pulled mine off in return. Hayden was rippling with muscle. Wide but lean, no narrow hips on him. I could hardly tear my gaze from his golden amber body that exuded a sensual side of him I hadn't been privy to. Confident and proud, with an erection that almost reached his belly button. I'd never seen a penis that wasn't circumcised before, but it was definitely interesting looking. Immediately I searched for that pulsing vein I loved only to not find it. I guess not all men had it, which was probably a good thing, otherwise I'd always be looking for Kova. Hayden was my flawless, all-American boy next door.
He was also vastly different compared to Kova.
"I want you," he said, then closed the distance with his mouth. His hips surged against mine and his hard, hot length lay pressed along my inner thigh. Normally I'd be embarrassed by how wet I was, but I wasn't. I wanted him to see how turned on he made me.
"You're a hot kisser. Slow, and just enough to make my body melt," I said, trying to bite his lip.
His groan prickled my skin and it was pretty sexy. Gripping the back of my thighs, he jerked my hips to him. I liked how assertive he was with me. His cock teased my pussy and I lifted my hips for more. My back arched and my breasts pressed against his chest. A desirable energy coursed through my veins. I grabbed his hair and tugged on it. My nails scored his back and he flexed under my draw. I needed to feel him, feel something other than sadness, and he was giving me just a taste when I needed something more.
Hayden peppered kisses down my neck, dragging his nose over my collarbone. His teeth scraped seductively across my sensitive skin. His fingers dug into me like he was struggling on the edge. He knew what he was doing, the storm he was creating within me, just like I knew what I was doing to him.
"I need to make sure you want to do this," he said, his voice gruff.
I nodded. There was a voice in the back of my head telling me not to do this, that Kova would be distraught if he found out, but I was too far gone to stop. Kova had married Katja, and now I needed to release the hold he had on me. He was like a tattoo on my skin, the blood that rushed through my veins, and the only way to be free of him was to replace how he made me feel with someone else.
If I was a better person, I'd tell Hayden to stop.
But I wasn't.
"Yes," I whispered. "I want this."
Hayden reached down for his shorts on the floor and swiftly pulled out a condom from his wallet.
"You always carry those around?"
He grinned as he tore the package open with his teeth. "Of course. What kind of animal would I be if I didn't? Plus, an STD wouldn't look good on me."
I flinched, but was completely deserving of his bluntness. I thought of Kova and how he never had condoms on him. I'd been careless, and Hayden unfortunately knew that.
"True," I answered in all honesty.
Hayden rolled the condom down his erection, then palmed his thickness, squeezing the head of his cock and rotating his wrist. My chest rose and fell as we were suspended in the height of anticipation. Watching Hayden touch himself was hot. I could hardly tear my gaze from him, from the way he gripped his thickness, how he stroked it and worked it even harder. Just like Kova would.
For one split moment I wavered in my decision. I wanted Hayden, but what scared me was that I didn't need him, not like I had needed Kova.
"Are you sure?" he asked.
The hunger in Hayden's eyes stirred my blood and caused heat to rush through my body the longer he stared. I wanted to tell him to go down on me so I could come on his tongue, but that nudging feeling was swirling in my stomach, like someone was holding my shoulders back and covering my mouth from allowing the words to spill from my lips. In the back of my mind I knew why, but I didn't want to acknowledge it, so I didn't.
Arching my back, I stretched my arms above my head to tease him, my nipples aching for his mouth again.