"Feels fine."
"I bet this feels great too," he shot at me, pinching a little tighter.
My toes curled in pain. "Perfect, Coach. Just like that knot on your big head."
Kova froze, and I smiled, feeling a little triumphant. The only things that moved were his piercing green eyes that shot straight through me. I looked at him, still grinning. I didn't move. I didn’t blink. I didn't hint at any other feeling. Just stared right through him and showed him how things were going to be from now on.
Without saying anything, he taped my foot, stretching the elastic just enough to help alleviate the pain, then stood. He placed a hand out, but I got up on my own.
"Get back in line," he said.
"Yes, Coach."
I'd skipped tutoring, had a small lunch, and worked through the rest of the day until sundown. I didn't have an appetite, but I knew I needed to eat something, so I forced myself to eat a "healthy" fatty protein bar. Shit was not good for you, but keeping my mind off things was key, and if I had to forgo some school work and eat garbage, then so be it.
Even now as I waited for Kova to finish up so we could start the blading, I wasn’t hungry, but I had a raging headache and my bones ached so bad they felt brittle. My cheeks were tinged pink and I felt hot. The Motrin didn't do shit for my fever, but I pushed myself and kept my focus on point.
I yawned. I was most likely dehydrated, tired, and in need of sleep.
As I sat there in an old leo with chalk covering my body, I stared blankly at the wall and thought about how none of us really had time to rest. Not even the coaches. We were all focused and determined. I took every one of their orders and critiques with tight lips. Anything they said to do, I did. They hadn't criticized me for mistakes today, which was a first.
I glanced at the clock, wondering how much longer I’d be waiting, when Kova strode out. Our gazes met, and he let me see the sorrow he'd hidden all day.
"Ready?" he asked. I nodded and stood, feeling each step shooting through my bones as
I followed behind him down the hall to the therapy room. Kova flipped on the lights and I walked toward the table and climbed up, waiting, watching. Just going through the motions.
He moved so quietly, meticulously, as he unwrapped the tools. He too was covered in chalk, his hat backwards, his back so beautifully shaped and strong. There was something intriguing about just watching him. Kova moved a tool to the side and the gleam of his wedding band reflected under the bright lights.
Air constricted in my throat. Emotion threatened to pour from me. We were alone, and the devastating, glinting symbol reminding me that he was taken gutted me. I wanted to ask him not to wear it around me, but that would show that I cared, and I was trying to act like I was indifferent.
Don't cry. Don't cry. Don't cry.
"You looked pale today, Adrianna," he said with his back still to me.
I rolled my eyes and stayed quiet, inhaling my feelings. Either he was dense or plain ignorant if he couldn't see how his actions had affected me.
When I didn't respond, he glanced over his shoulder. I just stared at him with an unreadable look on my face and an empty pit in my chest.
My head was all sorts of fucked up.
"Did you hear me?" he asked over his shoulder.
"Yes," I said, keeping my voice low.
Kova turned around and leaned back against the counter. We stared at each other, so many unspoken words hung in the air between us. He was itching to talk, but I didn't care what he had to say.
"You worried me today."
I didn't respond, just stared. His knuckles turned white as he gripped the counter behind him.
"So this is how it is going to be?" he asked.
"What do you think, Coach?"
Kova's jaw flexed, and his chin dipped deep and slow like he was aggravated. "Turn over," he ordered.
Turning around, I got on my stomach and propped myself up on my elbows. I felt my entire body sink like a stone with fatigue. Luckily this would only last fifteen minutes and then I could leave. I had my night planned out. Eat, shower, sleep. That way I wouldn't have time to think about anything.