Release (Off Balance 3)

"This is incredible! Two perfect scores! I am so proud of you!" he said, setting me down.

"Thanks," I replied, a little bashful. "I'm a little surprised."

"I am not."

He couldn't tear his eyes from me and his gaze lingered a little longer than usual.

"I gotta get ready for beam now," I said, and he nodded subtly. "I think Holly is waiting on you." Kova shot a glance over his shoulder, then back at me. "Okay. Your grin is starting to look creepy. Go see Holly." I joked.

"Wherever your head is at, keep it there. You are doing extraordinary."

"Easier said than done."

"I have complete confidence and belief in you. You may not see it, but you are far better than them. And I am not saying that just to bullshit you. When you let go and surrender yourself, you are absolutely magnificent."

Magnificent? Who said that anymore?

When I could feel the candid notes of his voice hit deep in my bones and wrap around me, it truly made me question who he was. It messed with my head. I wanted to believe Kova was a good person with a good heart, but in the back of my mind all I could see was his wedding band and the lies embedded into it.

An anxious feeling seeped into my blood stream and clung to me. I didn't like feeling his words in my heart, and that was what I needed to work on blocking out. His praise encouraged me to be the best version of myself. Inspiration increased the way energy brightened a room. Though, I knew this song all too well. Eventually the light would burn out, misery would set in, and the darkness would be the centerfold of my chest once again.

I sighed inwardly and regained my focus. My team rotated to the final event and I prepared mentally, releasing every anxious nerve and let go. Beam was all about controlling my thoughts and allowing muscle memory to step in. I needed to trust myself, but that was so much harder than it sounded.

Saluting the judges, I stepped onto the mat and placed both hands on the four-inch piece of wood that could make or break me. Grasping the apparatus, I steadied my soul and began.

Immediately, I moved into a series of required skills that took no more than ninety seconds. Agile leaps, smooth ballet steps that looked like I was dancing blindly, and combination skills that incorporated potentially paralyzing connecting flips. I remained focused despite the low pain throbbing under my ribs. Not one wobble or second of uncertainty. Not even when I completed triple twists on the tips of my toes. I was secure, without an ounce of trepidation, and it was liberating.

Standing at the end of the balance beam, all I had left was my dismount. I hurdled into a round-off back handspring, my feet pounding into the wood and my toes curling around the edge. I reached up to set up my dism

ount and pulled my knees to my chest, tucking tight to rotate backwards into a double back tuck. I spotted the ground and landed—both feet together, arms up—and squeezed every single muscle in my body.

But it wasn’t enough, and my heart sank.

I could feel how compelled my body was from the weight of my landing to take a step out to regain my position. I held my breath and squeezed every muscle as tight as I possibly could and saluted the judges to show that I’d stuck my landing.

It only lasted a few seconds, but those few seconds felt like nine months. I lowered my arms and intended to release a quiet breath, only it flew out of me with a huge huff. Surprisingly, the smile stayed on my face as I walked off the floor. Even if I didn't place on this event, I was happy with my outcome. I didn't feel like beam owned me anymore and that was a feeling that was indescribable.

Kova was waiting for me the moment I stepped down the stairs. Before I could say a word, he pulled me into a bear hug and squeezed me until I could barely breathe.

"Fantastika! Fantastika! Fantastika!" Kova said. "Ty sdelal neveroyatnoye!"

"Thanks, Coach." I smiled as he put me down.

Kova's eyes flickered for a brief moment like I’d insulted him, but I needed to keep it that way, even though I was starting to feel bad.

"If those judges do not give you the max points, I will file an appeal."

My brows shot to my hairline. I coughed, covering my mouth with the back of my hand. Stupid chalk in the air.

"I did that well?"

He looked at me like I spoke a language he didn't understand. "Yes. By far the best."

I was speechless. Kova never applauded me the way he had today. Occasionally he would here and there like he did with the other girls, but not after every event or to this extent. Either he was being nice and trying to soften me, or he was telling the truth.

I wanted to believe he was telling the truth if he said he was going to appeal it. That required a large sum of money on the spot, a write-up of my entire routine where my coach felt I should have received the maximum amount of points, and a viewing of the video. And it had to be done in four minutes flat. I'd never had that happen before, but I didn't think it would come to that.

Madeline and the team walked over and congratulated me, just as we did with all the girls.