"Every day is a battle raging within me to keep my distance. Some days all I want is to just be around you. It is that simple."
Oh God. I needed to leave, but I couldn’t find it in me to move.
"Coach," I said again.
"Hmm…"
"I have to go."
"So leave."
But my body wouldn't move. I wanted to stay like this a little bit longer. I wanted to lean into him and unwind in the security of his embrace, but I was too afraid.
I looked into his eyes. "What are you thinking?"
His eyes remained focused on my mouth. He ran his tongue along his bottom lip and my heart skittered against my chest. I knew that look. I knew it too well, like he wanted to devour me and leave me breathless, just as he had many times before.
"So much. I do not know where to even start."
I got it. I felt the same way.
"You have no idea how it is killing me, Adrianna, the way you hate me, the way you look at me with such contempt. I deserve your hate and everything you feel inside, but I cannot stomach it."
He raised his head and our eyes connected. Being like this again brought it all back. The desire. The need. I still craved this stupid Russian man.
"Kiss me," I said, my voice an array of sinful tones. "Please."
He shook his head. "No." His chest rose and fell rapidly, the lines around his eyes deepened with anguish. "You will regret it and hate me even more."
He was right. I probably would hate him, but then I thought of something.
"What if I kiss you?"
"Why? Why would you want to do that?"
This time I shook my head and the words fell from my lips before I could stop them. "I don’t know. I really don't. Maybe, just for a second, I want to forget everything and not feel so empty inside. Because when I'm with you, I don't have a worry in the world. Like I'm me and you're you, and nothing else matters."
I closed my eyes, instantly regretting what I’d said.
"You should not want to kiss me…" He left his response open, and I picked up on it.
"No, I shouldn't. You're no good for me," I said.
"I am terrible for you." He paused, his mouth turning down. "I wish I was not. I wish I was a better man for you."
We were both bad for each other. He was power, I was obsession. No matter how highly charged our connection was, the result would always be the same. Destruction. Obliteration. Ruin. But yet, we couldn’t break apart completely. Like we were tied to each other with no chance of escaping.
My eyes drifted to his full lips and I felt his body tremble against mine. My fingers were numb from how tight I held him, but I knew if I let go I'd lose control. Kova was toeing the line and despite all the wrong, it still excited me. He was struggling for me.
"Would you refuse me?" I asked, my voice soft. My heart thundered against my ribs.
"If that is what you want to give me, then I will take it. I am yours."
I didn't hesitate, I moved like a viper.
Latching onto his top lip, I stroked it with my tongue, then bit down. His body yielded to mine and he exhaled a sigh of pleasure. A deep, animalistic groan vibrated from his chest pressed against mine. Kova dropped my keys and cupped the side of my head and held me tighter to him. He kissed me back hard, inhaling deeply through his nose like he was breathing me in.
His tongue delved into my mouth, and I sighed, letting go of everything like I always did with Kova. We couldn't get enough of each other. Our kisses were fueled with greed and longing, tangled with passion only we understood. His thumb drew circles over my hammering pulse, while his other hand warmed my body, trembling with uncontrolled need.