Letting my guard down and allowing trust to slither its way back in was my other issue, and what I feared the most. Simple moments like this made that happen. The trust thing was always at the front and center of my mind every damn day. If I welcomed him back in after everything, it would mean I was weak-minded. Yet holding up this wall I’d built took a lot more out of me than I wanted to admit.
Pulling my hand away, I moved so I was lying down and placed my feet in his lap. He leaned back and rested one arm along the back of the couch, the other grabbing onto my toes.
"There's nothing on my mind. I'm just worn out."
Kova gazed down at me, his emerald green eyes taking me in. The intensity of his gaze made me blush but I didn't look away. He looked too at peace for me to do that and something in my chest told me he needed this more than I did. Kova was a lot of things, but needy wasn't one of them. So the fact that I could feel his need told me I should let my wall down just a little and be there for him the same way he had been there for me.
"You have so much riding on this summer I want to make sure I have done everything in my power to help get you where you need to be."
"Thank you," I said.
Kova began to massage my feet. I sighed at the feel of his fingers pressing into my sore heels and sank deeper into the couch. "You're going to put me to sleep if you keep that up." I smiled lazily up at him, my eyes heavy and body laden with fatigue.
"So go to sleep."
"Will you stay?" I asked, but there was no way I could fall asleep.
"I will do whatever you want."
I felt the weight of his words and knew he meant what he said.
As his fingers moved to the arch of my foot, I drew in a silent breath and waited, praying to God he wouldn't touch the back of my ankle…but he did. I hissed, my back bowing as tears stung my eyes.
"Oh God," I gushed, unable to hold it back. I saw stars.
"Adrianna." His voice held a note of worry and panic.
"It's okay. It's okay. I'm okay," I said, sitting up and reaching for my foot. The pain hadn't been so terrible since I got home, but this was also the first time I’d really taken a break to sit down, which meant I’d allowed it to tighten up again.
"Let me get you some ice," Kova said, and jumped from the couch. Within seconds he was back with a towel and a bag of ice to examine my foot. "I am terribly sorry, Adrianna. I saw how swollen it was, I just did not know the pain went that deep."
"It's okay. You didn't know, and to be honest, I was feeling fine and forgot about it."
"This happened at camp," he stated.
I nodded. "Yeah. I think I landed wrong on a tumbling pass, but it could've just been a combination of everything. I think Coach Elena caught on, but I couldn't stop to sit out, or ice it, or even tell her. One look in her eyes said all I needed to know. I couldn't do anything other than take orders, which is what I did. And before you go saying we always have a choice, you have to know I didn't."
I added a little more hardened emotion to my last sentence than I intended. We'd both used that everyone has a choice bullshit on each other before, but with each passing day it became clearer and clearer that not every option presented in life came with a choice. It's either you do, or you don't. That's it.
"I understand," was all he said.
"Do you? Really?"
He nodded, and that relieved me so much. "I do. You are too close to the finish line to complain now. You give everything you have to prove you want it, or you give nothing at all because anything less is not worth it. Sometimes that means breaking a little inside and sucking up whatever sanity is left and doing it with a smile. Sometimes that means loading up on painkillers and sports tape or extreme therapy to recover quicker so you are ready for the next day. Do I think it is a good idea to proceed? No. But I get it. Had you not made it to camp, and you were not upgrading your skills, or you plateaued in your training, we would be having a different conversation right no
w. But it is too close to the end and you do not have that option right now." He paused, still pinching around on my ankle. "But I knew… I knew something was off when you got off the plane. I could feel it. You did not want to tell me, did you?"
I glanced away, my heart thumping wildly against my ribs with the unknown. "No, I didn't. I figured you'd force me to take a day of rest. I honestly never planned to tell you."
He eyed me, all too knowing, and it made me paranoid. "Is there anything else you want to tell me? Now is your chance."
"No. I'll make an appointment with the doctor." Perfect opportunity to get my results too.
"Oh, you are without a doubt going to the doctor. I may be a gift from God, but even I need to know what I am working with here."
A chuckle rolled off my lips. Picking up a decorative pillow, I flung it at Kova. He smiled as he dodged it. I’d thought he would activate dick mode and go off on me, but he hadn't.
"You probably have some little tears in there, but I do not think you severed your Achilles completely or you would not be able to walk and you would definitely be screaming in pain. You would not have been able to finish camp, that is for sure." Kova looked at me, his eyes piercing mine. "You were scared to tell me."