Release (Off Balance 3)

"Do you not see how dependent you both became?" I said. "That's not healthy, Kova. That's convenience. You guys grew up like brother and sister, and now you're married. You guys didn’t have to stay together."

Kova shook his head adamantly and that annoyed me. He sat up and turned toward me. Aside from his mother, it was apparent he'd never gotten close to anyone else other than Katja. They’d formed an attachment to each other under traumatic events in their lives and never severed the connection. It only grew as they got older, then they made it legally binding.

"When I suggested possibly moving to the States, she did not question me, she just started packing and asked when we were leaving. We were inseparable."

If that wasn't the definition of codependency, then I didn't know what was.

"Wait. How are you guys here? In the States?"

"Katja is here on a visa."

"And what about you?"

He shook his head. "I came here on a work visa and then became a citizen as quickly as I was able to. Because we married, she is now on a faster track to becoming one too. It will still take time, just not as long." He paused. "You do not understand, and you may never, but after everything we have been through, I felt like I owed it to her. I did not make it easy on her, not even when we moved here, and yet she was always there for me."

My brows shot to my hairline. All this drama was because he felt like he owed it to her? Because back when they were kids her mom became a drug addict and couldn’t fucking parent, so he felt like it was his problem to deal with. Then their stupid teenage hormones led to them fucking for the first time, then his mom passed away, and he moved them here. To the land of opportunity. So he married her. Because he felt like he owed it to her.

I shook my head in disbelief and stared at the black sky with white clouds of smoke drawn through it. There was more to the story, there had to be. Like maybe he really did love her. A piece was missing, otherwise it was outrageous to think he'd married someone because he felt like he owed it to them. No one does that, and if he did, well, I didn't know where I'd go from here because then he'd have always known he was going to marry her, and still got together with me.

"Sounds like motivation to me. If she has a child, she's legally bound here, and to you."

"No, she knows I do not want kids. She would not do that to me."

"You're kidding me, right? What aren't you telling me?" I asked, turning toward him. "I feel like there's more."

Kova sighed deeply and ran a hand through his hair. He looked toward the dark oc

ean and watched the roaring waves crash into the shoreline. Tightness spread in my chest as his gaze traveled further away.

I was right. I had a feeling he was holding back, and it was obvious he was.

"It is complicated," he said, voice low.

I scoffed. "Do you even love her?"

He looked at me, his eyes lost, shifting back and forth. "I do not love her the way I am supposed to."

"What does that mean?"

Kova took my hand in his and kissed the top of my knuckles. "There was a period in my life when I thought I was in love with her. If I am being honest, until I met you, I did love her. But things changed and now I question if I ever truly was in love. Do not get me wrong, while I do love Katja and probably always will, I am not in love with her."

My heart pounded furiously against my ribs, my ears like little balls of flames on the sides of my head. Nothing made sense. Nothing added up. And it was driving me fucking crazy. He was giving me pieces to three different puzzles, and asking me to put them together to form a clear picture. It would never happen.

"Then why did you marry her? If you don't love her, why did you marry her?" My voice shook with emotion. I pushed his hand away and stood up, my stomach twisting in knots. Between the story of their upbringing and now this, I was ready to scream. "Why? And don’t give me a bullshit reason like you made a stupid pact when you were kids, because I'm not buying it. And why didn’t you tell me? Why did I have to find out the way I did? And why are you still married to her if you don't love her?"

I felt my blood rising, my blood pressure breaching the normal rate. My chest rose and fell, palms sweating. If he had told me he was in love with her, I would've believed it. I would've accepted it. Even that would be better than this. But he hadn't, because he didn't even love her.

"Adrianna." He shook his head sadly. Kova stepped toward me, but I stepped back. His forehead wrinkled and I wanted to fix the anguish in his eyes. "The truth." He sighed, and I frowned as his voice started to trail off. He sounded wrecked and it made my chest ache. "There is more to the truth, and it does not involve just me and Kat. It would destroy you more than I ever have, and I am not willing to risk that. When everything is said and done, and the Games are in the past, then I will tell you. There is a plausible reason, and it was never meant to hurt you. As ridiculous as it sounds, what I did was for you. You have to believe me."

I shook my head, my heart breaking all over again.

His gaze took in my face and scanned the length of my body. He rolled his lips over his teeth, then switched to his native tongue. I caught the hint of a smile and I wanted to smack it off him because now was not the time for it.

"Ya lyublyu tebya. Ya lyublyu tebya, no eto nichego ne mozhet izmenit'."

My head tilted to the side. I watched his mouth and stepped closer. "What did you say?"

He shook his head, the smile fading from his face. "It really does not matter what I said. It cannot change the past or the future."