"I know I can, Coach. The first time is always the scariest, though."
One corner of his mouth turned up. "Adrianna, you do not have to keep calling me Coach. We both know I am much more than that."
I offered him the faintest smile, then pulled myself up onto the low bar before swinging to the high bar. A handstand and two full swings, I was letting go into the first layout, floating through the air into another straight body layout.
"Tight… Tight… Tight…" Kova said, his voice so close to me.
Right where I would twist, I pulled my arms to my chest, fists in snug balls and head tucked in, I cranked to the left and pulled a one-and-a-half twist. Spotting the ground, I drove my heels down, but my chest was too low and I felt my body leaning over.
Kova was there immediately. As a coach, he needed a sharp eye and quick reflexes. He needed to be a hero in that moment, and he was. His strong arm came out and coiled around my stomach to prevent me from falling farther. I took a step, and he pulled me back like it was nothing.
Breathing heavily, I grabbed his
arm and dug my fingers into him. I was a little uneasy.
"Not too bad," he said, releasing me quickly. "There are a few things I could comment on, but seeing as it was your first time, I will refrain. Let us do it again."
Exhaling the anxiety, I chalked up, then I was back on the high bar. Another dismount, and Kova caught me again. I waited to be critiqued, but all he said was, "Again."
Gymnastics was all about repetition, repetition, repetition. Hours upon hours of the same thing over and over would seem daunting to most, but I loved it, because I still found it fun after all these years. Muscles needed to be trained to remember how to perform, and the only way to do that was to duplicate the exercise or skill hundreds and hundreds of times. It created a memory for the muscles and brain. And as much as I was hard on myself for not getting it right the first couple of times, I knew it was par for the course.
We were nonstop with no break in between. However, after two hours, a sudden sense of sheer exhaustion took hold of me just as I cast into a handstand on the high bar. I blinked a few times and breathed through my nose, gripping the bar as tight as I could.
"Squeeze," Kova ordered, drawing out the word. "Squeeze, Adrianna."
I tried so hard to fight it. My arms became weak and my elbows shook violently. I tightened my fingers around the bar and prayed I could hold on, but my heart was racing so fast and I felt winded.
Something wasn't right. And if I proceeded any further, I had a feeling it would be bad.
My hips dropped and I came down recklessly, slamming my pelvis onto the bar with an oomph. My arms bent and I let out a long grunt. I struggled to lock my elbows to pull myself up, but I just couldn't do it.
I released my hold, free falling to the floor.
And Kova watched me fall.
My knees crashed into the landing mat. Little specs of chalk floated in front of my vision. I closed my eyes, ashamed of how my body just gave out like that.
"What the hell was that!" Kova yelled. "Get back up! We are not done here!"
I got back up on the high bar, but lethargy was a pressure in my chest that consumed me. My hips rested on the bar. I couldn't lift myself into a handstand. I tried to swallow, but my mouth was dry. I blinked a few times trying to make the silver flashes of stars disappear. I didn't have the strength to hold myself up, and it scared me. My heart was pounding viciously. Had I always been this weak and I didn't know it, so I kept pushing until I could barely walk?
With his hands propped on his hips, Kova glared up at me. "Now, Adrianna. What are you waiting for?"
"Coach?" My quiet voice crackled with fear. I couldn't make eye contact.
He took a small step closer. "You have an hour of practice left, then conditioning. I was counting on you mastering this tonight so we could move on to the release skills tomorrow, and then connect it all for the meet coming up."
Letting Kova down—letting myself down—was the last thing I ever wanted to do, but there was no way I would be able to do any of that right now. Not with how I felt inside. There just wasn't. I simply didn't have the strength.
"Please…" My voice broke. "Please, help me down."
Without further question, Kova stepped right in front of my dangling legs and reached for my hips.
His gaze was painted with concern as he effortlessly lifted me and guided me down from the bar. Expelling a breath, I let go and wrapped my arms around his shoulders, but I couldn't tighten them. My head fell into the crook of his neck, and my toes tapped against his shins. I was so tired and felt like I could just fall asleep.
"Adrianna."
His voice was thick in my ear. He wrapped his strong arms around my back and held me to him. We were in a compromising position, but his warmth comforted me, and in this moment, I needed him.