"I'm hanging up on you."
She laughed. "It wouldn't be weird, but just do it at home. That way you can cry in peace."
"I just want to get it over with. I'm nervous." Heart racing a mile a minute, I paid at the self-checkout then hurried to my truck and jumped in. I threw off my sunglasses and said, "I feel like I'm going to be sick."
"That's because—"
"Shut up. I don't find this funny. My future is going to be ruined."
"Kova should've wrapped up his magic stick because pull out and pray doesn't work."
I fought the smile. "I keep taking deep breaths but I feel like I can't catch my breath. My hands are shaking and I can't stop thinking that I'm going to see a pink line."
"It's two lines, and it's normal. You know I'm just playing with you."
"I know. I just, I don't know." I stumbled over my words.
Sighing, my mind raced with a million different thoughts.
"I took the Plan B, but the more I think about it, the more I think I took it too late. But then I keep thinking about how the doctors said it's supposedly really difficult to get pregnant and I can't figure out how this happened. How are you so calm and cracking jokes?"
"Because I've already gone through this and sometimes jokes help lighten the mood."
I softened at her unmoved tone. She was right and I appreciated that. "I can't believe you did this alone. I feel so bad I wasn't there for you."
Turning into my complex, I was such a mess as I parked. I didn't know what I would've done if she hadn't stayed on the phone with me the entire time, coaxing me to get dressed and go to the store. Remorse reared its ugly head beneath the nerves. I'd been a terrible friend, I didn't deserve this, but I also didn't think I'd be able to do this alone, and I think she knew that. I'd handled everything thrown at me so far, some things better than others, but this, this was the icing on the cake.
"Don't apologize. It was my decision. It is what it is, and I won't think about the past. No good comes from holding onto regrets anyway."
While she had a point, I'd always live with the guilt of her having no one to talk to and the traumatic experience she'd gone through on her own. Letting go and moving forward was a harder pill to swallow.
Once inside my condo, Avery said, "Get a cup you can pee in then throw out."
"Are you going to stay on the phone with me even when I pee?" I asked as I reached into the kitchen cabinet with a trembling hand and pulled out a plastic cup. I looked into it.
"Ah, yeah? I need to know if I'm going to be an aunt or not."
My movements slowed. "Ave…" I couldn't process that thought right now.
"I know," she said, regrettably, and that was enough. She knew. "Just go in the bathroom so we can FaceTime."
Tears climbed my eyes and they immediately streamed down my cheeks. "How could I have been so fucking stupid?"
"I don't have an answer for you, not one that would be an acceptable answer anyway. We both were really stupid, but so were the guys. I hate saying you forget your responsibilities in the heat of the moment, but you kind of do. Still, it's not a good reason to be irresponsible."
Glancing down at my feet, I slipped off my flip flops. The cold tile shot chills up my spine while I stood there wondering how I got myself into this mess.
"Next time tell Kova he needs to tie down that dinosaur. Use some saran wrap."
A loud laugh erupted from me. I wiped away my tears and grabbed the plastic bag and walked to the bathroom.
"I seriously can't believe I'm doing this."
"I seriously can't believe you're going to pee as you're FaceTiming me."
Switching my phone so she could see me, I placed it on the counter and looked at the screen.
"Ave?"