"I still can't have a baby. Kova would go to jail."
"What if he didn't go to jail?"
"My dad would never accept it."
"If he did?"
My face felt so swollen and the exhaustion from crying and the stress of the truth was a growing pressure on my chest. Her question wasn't cut and dry, and neither was my answer.
"I wish I could go back and change things. I wish I could go back and be smarter."
"Don't think about the past, it'll do you no good. Trust me. Think about the future and what you need to do."
Avery was right, but it was hard to do that when I was staring at all these tests telling me I was carrying a child.
Kova's child.
Our child.
Tears blurred my vision again and I started crying. In a rush, I scooped up the boxes and sticks and dumped them into the trash. The sticks stuck out of the garbage, but I didn't care. I took the last box and placed it between the towels in my bathroom closet. I couldn't stand to look at it any longer.
I rinsed my face with cool water, then dried it. Avery watched but didn't say anything, she just looked as sad as I felt. Lifting my shirt, I focused on my stomach, rubbing it in circles.
"How is there a baby in there?" I asked, more so speaking to myself.
"Technically it's a fetus."
"Whatever. Same thing, really."
"Yeah. Once the heart started beating, I viewed it differently."
I dropped my shirt, wishing I could reverse time. "When's that?"
"Six weeks."
I averted my gaze and thought back to when this could've happened. Staring at the bottles of perfume I never wore, I blindly read over the lush labels without really processing the words.
"How do I figure out how pregnant I am?"
Avery chuckled and covered her mouth. I glanced at her and saw regret fill her blue eyes.
"What? Wh
at's so funny?"
"It's how far along you are, not how pregnant you are. You're pregnant. That's it. Nothing more, nothing less. You're totally preggo. It's based on your last period, but since that's all messed up, when did you guys last have sex?"
My stomach knotted. I didn't want to think about that because there was a good chance the baby’s heart was already beating, and remaining oblivious was just easier.
If I heard a heartbeat, would it change my mind?
The thought chilled me to the bone and a rush of emotions sucker punched me in my chest.
Licking my dry lips, I sniffled. "Never mind, I don't want to know. That'll just make it harder."
"You should call Kova," Avery suggested.
"What? Why? No."