Dismount (Off Balance 5)

Kova’s gaze hardened. His lips pursed together. There were a lot of things I’d mentally prepared for on my journey to the Olympics; however, never had I anticipated the next words to fall from Kova’s beautiful lips.

"Adrianna, we cannot go on like this. I think it is best if we do not see each other until everything settles."

I reared back. The silence in the room was earsplitting. "You want time?"

He looked me in the eyes and flattened his lips in response.

My heart sank.

How could he think after something as catastrophic as what we went through that more time away from each other would benefit us? Time would ruin us. People didn't separate when things got tough. They came together and worked through their issues as a team. Their bond was unified with each challenging moment, not split down the center because there was a breach.

We are a team—I exhale, you inhale.

I had been so ridiculous.

My blood ran cold and my throat swelled. Kova had been putting distance between us. What I felt wasn't due to paranoia. It wasn't in my head. It was real. Really fucking real, and what he wanted.

I stared at him, unblinking.

My world crumpled before me.

My heart stopped beating.

All those things he had said to me that day in my condo, how he was going to leave Katja to be with me, how he wanted to live with me and my stupid fucking disease, he took it all back in the blink of an eye. All those miles we had crossed together to get where we were, they were swept away like it never happened.

Angry tears brimmed my eyelids. Kova's gaze softened and he took a step toward me. My hand flew to my chest and I clutched my throat. My brain was telling my body to breathe, but I was stuck in a state of panic. I couldn't focus enough to breathe.

He had sworn he wouldn’t hurt me again. He’d promised. Yet, he did.

Then it hit me.

This was why he’d wanted me to come to his room.

He wanted to break up with me.

I leaned toward him, my heart beating frantically. His gaze didn't waver from mine. He didn't back down. He didn't say anything either. Kova was slipping away. I looked at him with resentment that he wasn't fighting harder to be with me like I would for him. I wanted to let go of him completely and still reach for him because I couldn't not.

"Time. You want time?" I stated again, fighting the tears. "I literally don't have the time to give you. Do you understand that? I don't have all the time in the world like you do. I'm sick, Kova. I only have now." Jesus. The look on his face matched the gutted feeling inside my heart.

His shoulders sagged and he dropped his hands from his hips in defeat. He didn't want time and yet he told me he did. I shook my head. This back and forth wasn't something I was going to continue doing. I didn't have it in me. He could either have me now or he couldn't. I was only going to get sicker, not better. I didn’t have the kind of time he wanted.

I stood straight and exhaled a ragged breath. I didn't want to be hurt anymore. I didn't want anyone to make me hurt anymore. And that started with my choices.

I shook my head and took a step back. "It's now or never with me."

"Ria," he said, his face fell. "Please…"

I put my hand up. "Don't. I know our relationship isn't normal. I’m aware of the major issues surrounding us, but that doesn't mean you can push me away because of them." My voice shook. "I know what my dad put you through and it disgusts me you had to go through that. I'm not being unsympathetic toward you or the legal issues you're facing, but was I stupid to think we'd work through what happened? I guess so," I said, more to myself than to him.

I clenched my eyes shut, regretting that I’d snuck out. When I opened them, Kova was standing in front of me looking utterly destroyed. The miserable look in his green eyes made my heart twist with grief. He was hurting as much as I was, yet he was the one who was causing our pain. I didn't understand why he'd do this to us when it devastated him just as much as it did me.

"That is not what I am saying, but I think we need to wait for this storm to weaken before we can be anything more."

"That's not what you told me in my condo that day when you said we could be together because you had a plan. Even before that, you knew it was eventually bound to happen." I felt like I was going to shoot steam from my ears any second. "You can't look me in the face and tell me you didn't anticipate any of this. What happened for you to change your mind? I know you were arrested, but I'm eighteen now. No one can stop us."

There was so much more I wanted to add, but I stopped when I felt tears streaking my cheeks. There would always be people who wouldn’t approve of us, but I never once thought that us not being together was an option. I always put him—us—first, and I thought he would too at this point.

My spine bowed, and I looked at him helplessly. "Why can't you ever put me first?"