Ms. Shelly turns the corner and walks toward me in her navy-blue scrubs. She's a little grim looking and that doesn’t help the feeling in my stomach.
"Hey," I say, a little concerned by the smell. "How's Grammy?"
Her face pulls down. "She's resting. She's had better days…today isn’t one of them." Ms. Shelly pauses. I can tell she wants to say something. "Spend time with her."
I frown. "Where is she?"
"In her room."
"Thanks," I say, and walk to the back of the house. Slowly, I open the door. The room is dark, dreary. The blinds are still pulled shut and I don't like the way the air tastes stale. My chest tightens as my mind goes there but I quickly brush it away.
"Grammy?"
She's lying in bed with three cats surrounding her. Her head turns toward the sound of my voice and she smiles, though it’s weak. It's hard to return the smile when I see the battle in her eyes. She's worn out. Anxiety clogs my throat from the fear of losing her.
"Aubrey," she says softly.
I take a seat on the side of her bed. My emotions are climbing pretty fast at the sight of her. She looks like she's worsened overnight. I don't want to cry but it's hard seeing her like this.
Grammy reaches out for my hand. She's cold…and feels fragile.
"How you doin', honey?"
"Oh, you know, same old." One corner of my mouths tugs up. Tears blur my eyes. "I came to tell you I got everything situated for graduation so you can be there. I have a wheelchair in place and made sure I got Ms. Shelly a ticket too so she can be there with you."
Fuck. I can't even say the words without my voice cracking. I hate this state of unease cultivating in my chest. We've talked about this day for years, and now that it's finally here, I'm dreading it. It feels like an ending to a story I'm not ready to say goodbye to yet.
"I don’t need a wheelchair," she says, and that causes me to laugh. "I can walk just fine."
"I know you can. I just want to make it easy on you." I take a deep breath. "I have a car service set up for you too, so there's nothing you have to worry about. The ceremony is in a few weeks."
She rubs my hand with her fingers. "I'm so proud of the woman you grew up to be," she says.
I'm nothing to be proud of.
"I really am. I love you, Aubrey Abrams."
If she knew the truth, she'd be so disappointed in me.
"I was thinking afterward I can take you out to lunch to celebrate. Any place you want, you name it," she says, and some for reason that causes me to break down.
I lean forward to hug her and I just start crying. I can't help it, and I can't stop the tears. I burrow my face into the curve of her neck and just hold her. I breathe in her familiar scent.
"Aubrey, honey. Don't cry. There's nothing to be upset about. This is a joyous occasion and I plan to have a drink with you right after."
Damn it. My tears are coming in harder and harder, my heart thumping rapidly.
"I love you," I tell her, my voice muffled. "Thank you for everything you've done for me, Grammy." I need to let her know I'm so grateful. "Just… I love you."
I lie down next to her and hold her hand. My jaw is quivering as more tears threaten to spill over my eyelids.
"Raising you, though bittersweet, has been the highlight of my life. I wouldn'
t change a thing, other than to have your parents here. I wish I could have given you more."
I draw in a shaky breath and try not to cry again, but I can't help it.
"You did give me everything. You gave me what mattered most. Guidance and love. You taught me to respect people and give back to those who are less fortunate than us. You instilled good qualities in me, ones I think about all the time."