Hush, Hush (Hush, Hush 1)

"But you had a boyfriend," she reminds me.

I take a sip of my coffee, feeling bad for how Daniel found out. He didn't deserve that.

"I didn't love Daniel and it was wrong of me to lead him on. You knew he was more of a thing to help keep my head on straight and accept the fact I was a prostitute."

She bobs her head to the side, agreeing with me.

"Anyway, James was relentless and told me to name my price. I won't lie, I liked being around him, I liked our conversations, I liked that he was persistent. He'd been telling me for some time to name my price, before we knew the truth. I always said no because I knew where it would lead. Then he said it again in our apartment that night. I was so worried you were going to come home that I finally caved and threw out that ridiculously high fucking number, assuming he'd say no."

She lowers her voice. "He said yes."

I nod. "He said yes, then he upped it."

Her gaze drops to the table. She plays with her napkin, folding the corners and rolling it up.

"What was your price?"

I hesitate. I can see the indecision in her eyes. She wants to know, but doesn't want to know. Softly, I tell her the truth. "I said eight million."

Her eyes snap up. "That's a lot of money, but chump change to him." She huffs. "I guess I can’t blame you for taking the money. Who says no to that?"

"I thought for sure he'd say no. He immediately said deal, then said he'd give me ten. I thought I could do it for a year and move on and we our own way. I didn't think it'd be so hard, not if I looked at him like a client from the club and nothing more. I should've known it wasn't like that." I look her directly in the eye. "I almost told you, you know. I tried to distance myself from the both of you. I felt so bad for lying all the time about where I was, what I was doing. I think there was a point when James and I both knew we were in too deep but just couldn't get out. It was strange, like we knew, but we didn't want to face the facts because we knew where it would take us. If it helps at all, I know he was worried about hurting you too."

"Do you love him?"

I immediately avert my gaze.

"Look at me and tell me, Aubrey."

I lift my tear-filled eyes and her face falls. I nod.

Natalie's quiet for a long time. I don't regret telling her the truth and in some strange way I think she appreciates it, even though it hurts both of us.

We both finish off our cappuccinos. "I'm so sorry. More than you can ever know."

"Let me say something… I'm not okay with this, and I don't know if I'll ever be, even though I have the facts. I spoke to my parents separately."

My eyes widen, heart pounding a little too hard in anticipation.

"I didn't tell my mom about you. I figured I would spare her any more heartache, but if you hadn't been set up with my dad, I do believe my parents could've worked things out. I definitely don’t think he would've filed for divorce if you hadn’t agreed to the private deal. So for that I place blame on you because you could've said no and walked away. My mom told me they had an agreement and that it hadn't been as great as they made it look for a long time. She knew about his affairs and he kept them discreet. While I never knew a thing—I know the truth now—it still doesn't make what happened okay." She licks her lips. "My dad's story is pretty much identical to yours. I honestly hate him for what he did." She pauses and there's tears in her eyes, which make mine well up too. "I hate you a little too. I mean, you were my best friend. Why did he have to go after you? Did he hate me that much?"

I shake my head to correct her. I try to speak but she stops me again.

"I know he doesn't, it just fucking hurts, okay? I feel like I didn't know anything about them."

I drop my head, ashamed. Natalie moves to stand, and I look up when I hear the chair slide back. My brows furrow. She smooths out her black dress and levels a stare at me.

"The divorce is final. All I can say is that I hope you and my dad are happy now. I don't know if I can ever accept this, but I do miss you, and I hope one day we can try to be friends again. I'm not sure it'll ever be the same, though." She swallows, then says, "I'm terribly sorry for your loss. Grammy was a good woman and I can't imagine she'd be happy about what you did. Even though I do kind of hate you right now, I'm still here for you if you need me."

I nod and look down again. Her words are laced with so much emotion I don't even recognize her. She meant every word, and I can't even be mad about it.

Sixty-One

"I'm glad you finally responded to a message," James says, handing me a tumbler. He takes a seat across from me.

"You can't seem to take a hint, can you?" I say, only sort of joking.

I take a deep sip, needing all the liquid courage I can get. It's been two weeks since I spoke to Natalie. I feel like it's time to put everything to rest, even though my heart is going to shatter into a million pieces again for it.